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I'm a pawn


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I am from Eggenstein-Leopoldshafen, Germany but currently live in Turku, Finland

They were lies!
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I'm a pawn

Posted 11-13-2011 at 11:19 AM by JennyGenesis
Tonight, I went and visited my mum at the hospital she is staying at, it's the first time I have spoken to or saw her since she has been gone and now I've just come home in a fucked off mood.

Basicly, I'm just a pawn in this whole stupid situation and everybody is playing one off against the other.

Me and my stepdad have talked about it and I agree with his version of events because obviously I have been here the entire time and witnessed what have been said and done, but then I got my mum and the rest of my family telling me otherwise with each person having their own version of the story.

I just give up, I could happily pull the fucking plug on all of this and not give a shit.

I just feel like I'm being used here as reassurance that the person talking to me is the better person in all of this by trying to persuade my opinions.

I had my own opinion built up. But I'm even doubting that, I don't know what to believe or not believe anymore!

What should have been a happy visit basically ended with my mum running off in tears because of her mind panicking over something that really is just a tiny tiny issue and I was sat there thinking about how ridiculous it is that she got all upset over this tiny tiny thing and just further enhances my feeling that I cannot handle her anymore!

Maybe it's not nice, but, the truth is, I feel better off without her, since she's been gone, this house is so much easier to live in, everything is always calm, always clean, and so much easier to live in. as much as me and my stepdad have pretty much been at war with each other, this week, it is as if we are the best of friends, which is very very strange indeed. I'd like to have my mum back, but I just feel that if she does come back (she is supposed to be home on Tuesday) that everything will go back to the way it was...SHIT.

I'd quite happily have her home, if everybody could just shut the fuck up for 2 seconds, get along, have my mums mental state cured, and we can all live happily ever after, I actually told my mum that no, I don't want her home till she is better because none of us can handle her, tough love I suppose.

I just give up on this, I'm caught in the middle, and I'm refusing to budge, I am not taking anybodies side!

Given the chance, yes, I would just bugger off without a care.
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OddjobAbe's Avatar
:
I actually told my mum that no, I don't want her home till she is better because none of us can handle her, tough love I suppose.
I don't know what she's in for, but it sounds like she's having a hard time. She doesn't need to hear this kind of stuff.

On the other hand, I can sympathize with you. I lived with somebody who had bipolar for years, and they used to drive me up the fucking wall. I got angry at them sometimes, but when they were depressed, they were really depressed, and I always watched myself to make sure I never told them anything that might exacerbate their situation.
Posted 11-13-2011 at 11:43 AM by OddjobAbe

JennyGenesis's Avatar
The situation behind that is that somebody asked me if I wanted her home, I told them no, not until she is better, then some dick head twisted it and told her that I do not want her home, so I had to go tell her what I really said.

Maybe I should have explained it better but, I've had absolutely no sleep since 10am yesterday, I've down 2 hospitals today, I've had a long weekend, maybe I will explain in another blog because it was quite eventful.

So, I'm tired
Posted 11-13-2011 at 12:15 PM by JennyGenesis

STM's Avatar
I'm not to sure what to take from your blog and your previous comment because they contradict each other about three times, but just in case, don't give up on your mother. It's gonna be tough but if that's how you feel or felt, then remember she's having a really tough time, probably worse than you are because it's first hand experience. That being said I am not in your shoes and I don't know what's going on, just get through it and best of luck mate.
Posted 11-13-2011 at 12:33 PM by STM

JennyGenesis's Avatar
Sorry if it is, but, I'm just writing how I feel right now.
Posted 11-13-2011 at 12:58 PM by JennyGenesis

Wings of Fire's Avatar
:
I actually told my mum that no, I don't want her home till she is better because none of us can handle her
That is not how you treat a mentally unhealthy person you stupid fuck.
Posted 11-13-2011 at 03:59 PM by Wings of Fire

JennyGenesis's Avatar
I just explained why I had to say that!
Posted 11-13-2011 at 10:42 PM by JennyGenesis

 

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