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Another shit blog

Posted 12-31-2011 at 05:11 PM by Phylum
Updated 08-11-2012 at 05:25 AM by Phylum
I didn't want to post another one of these blogs, but I just feel so fucking bad that I need to do something.

Since my last blog I've gone from being distant to my friends to them just plain disliking me. Whenever I try to strike up conversation they try to get out if I'm lucky. I've sent 3 people messages on Facebook in the last 2 weeks only to be completely ignored. I don't see myself sending any more in the near future.

I don't get it. Early in the year I was conservative and quiet, and people thought I was boring. Into the second half of last year I made an effort to talk more and be interesting, and people just fucking hated what I said. I really made an effort but it's taken me nowhere.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I had 2 main friends through most of primary school who stopped liking me in '09 after knowing me for 6 years. They stopped inviting me places and talking to me, much like what's happening to me now.

The thing that really bothers me is that I don't have a close friend. I don't know anyone that has similar interests to me. I don't know people that I really love talking to. I don't know people that I really want to spend time with. The only people that come close to this are fucking ignoring me, the cunts.

I don't know why I'm so miserable about this. Everything else is really good. I'm doing brilliantly in school. I've finally beaten my illness, which I discovered was all in my head and somewhat related to all of this. Most importantly, I'm on what looks like a good path towards my dream job.

I'm in a brilliant place with my flute. I was incredibly lucky to swap teachers last year. While my previous teacher was amazing, this teacher is teaching me exactly what I need to know. My sound is improving faster than I thought possible and I'm really excited about where I'm going. I have my bass flute, too. A low-flute specialist in Melbourne has told me that he's so impressed with my playing that he wants to give me 4 lessons this year. Last year at the Australian Flute Festival he invited me to play with the Monash University Flute Ensemble, which was incredible. I'll hopefully be making a trip out to Canberra for a lesson with one of the best teachers in Australia at some point, too.

The worst thing about al of this is that as I'm getting more and more upset about everything I'm finding it harder to be motivated to practice. I need to do something about this, but I have no idea where to start.

Anyway, I feel worse for having posted this. I don't want to have to turn to some fucking online community for support about something so trivial. That's sad. It really is.

tl;dr I'm sad despite lots of things being quite good.

Oh, and I had 4 hours of sleep last night, so I can't vouch for how coherent this is.
Posted in Crappy Crap, Crap
Comments 7 Email Blog Entry
Total Comments 7

Comments
Mudokon_Master's Avatar
I know people like that at my school. Annoying people who don't know better and I feel sorry for them, I really do. Most kids are just cruel. But you, I don't know. How could people be treating you like that if you're not annoying? They all sound like cunts.
But anyway, I hope everything goes well with your flutist career. It sounds great, I never knew you were so successful with the thing. I wish you all the best, hopefully things will turn around this year.
But even if not, just remember: In school, while you're having the worst 5 years of your life while the cunts are having the best 5 years of their lives, you'll be out being a professional flutist earning more money than you can fit in a truck while their sitting at home sniffing cocaine wishing they were nicer to you.
Posted 12-31-2011 at 05:35 PM by Mudokon_Master

Dynamithix's Avatar
Fuck those people. They aren't your friends if they act like that, you should try to make new friends. Glad that you're doing great in school though. I should try and improve my grades more, I'm doing decent at school, but could be a hell of a lot better.

And hey, you could come to Finland and we could play Rayman Origins!
Posted 12-31-2011 at 05:35 PM by Dynamithix

OddjobAbe's Avatar
Through high school, I think I felt similar to how you do now. I fucking despised the banal gossip that was being farted out of other people's mouths, and because my interests were pretty esoteric, I didn't have anybody I could indulge in them with and have a great laugh with.
Eventually, I decided I didn't give a single fuck and decided that I could really enjoy my own company and was completely comfortable with myself as a human being.

You're not a stupid kid, so you've probably figured this out for yourself, but everybody's trying to impress the people around them, because they are afraid of being inadequate. It's probably slightly more complicated, but I think that on a fundamental level, they're afraid that if they don't conform to something, they aren't getting any pussy. If attempting to sever association with you is necessary to acheive the goal of integrating into a particular social group, they're going to do it, because people are all really just a bunch of fuckers. Do not let their behaviour get you down, because really, they're the fools, because they're the ones with perhaps the deepest insecurities, even though it probably doesn't seem like it.

I understand this is probably the kind of shite you don't really want to hear, because it never seems fucking helpful, but it is (in my experience at least) true, and you'll probably reach a stage like I did where it all clicks and you decide you couldn't give a fuck.
Posted 12-31-2011 at 05:43 PM by OddjobAbe

Phylum's Avatar
The thing is that my "friends" are the bottom of the social ladder. The lowest rung. These are the guys that don't care what other people think of them. It's a bizzare set of groups encapsulated by one larger group. I'm part of the large group, but not really part of any of the small ones.

If these people don't like me it's because they don't like me, not because of how I reflect on them.
Posted 12-31-2011 at 07:09 PM by Phylum

OddjobAbe's Avatar
:
These are the guys that don't care what other people think of them.
They clearly care about what other people from their group think of them, otherwise I don't think you'd be in the situation you say you're in. I think they're probably the same as anybody else, only they're just trying to appeal to a different kind of audience than what you might expect.
Of course, I am basing this on the assumption that they all know each other. If not, I'd look at it as their problem rather than yours.
Posted 12-31-2011 at 07:15 PM by OddjobAbe
Updated 12-31-2011 at 07:17 PM by OddjobAbe

enchilado's Avatar
Are you actually sure they don't like you? For the last five or six years I've been pretty convinced no one except perhaps my family liked me, but more recently I've decided that I'm probably imagining it, and that's what I tell myself. Of course, then I worry that people do hate me and I'm just lying to myself, but yeah.

And if you are sure, then, well, these people sound like cretins anyway. You'll have to meet some new friends.
Posted 01-01-2012 at 01:49 AM by enchilado

MeechMunchie's Avatar
I can't really help there, I'm afraid, on account of me being barely out of that situation myself. Tell me if you find some answers though, because I could really use some.
Posted 01-01-2012 at 05:50 AM by MeechMunchie

 

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