Okay, so these past few months have been a little rough for me. I think that's been established. However, I've mostly come out of it now. I'm still depressed. I still feel betrayed, and I genuinely don't understand how she could have thought I was the person that she came to think I was. I understand her thinking it of me years ago, but I made a huge effort to fix my problems, and to make sure she knew how much I loved her.

Anyway, I am depressed a fraction of the amount that I was....

My 360 has the Red Ring of Death again. My girlfriend's brother fixes these things, so I shouldn't be without for too long, though.

In other news, Abbey is living with me for the summer, and we are going on vacation in about a week.

Tie it off
Tie it tighter
I want to see red
Want to feel lighter
Hold it still
Get your bag
I will struggle
Then I will brag
Hold me down
You’ll need more men
I’m impatient
I’m me more now than then
I’ll look you in the eye
Vitriol venom spills from my lips
Fuck you, I will growl
Or fuck me, as my gown rips
The needle is a pleasure
It means I win
It means I’m inconsolable...

And it actually helped. Who would've thunk it?

Are you an angel?
No. You’re something better.
You’re no cold ideal
You are not wrath, vengeance, or an immovable platitude
You are April
You are humanity exquisite
You are woman perfection
Of course this is where you shut off your mind
This is where you mutter “bullshit” under your breath
It is not
Perfection is not what so many claim it to be
It is not the absence of flaws
Your very flaws are what bend...

Do you hear that?
Hear what?
You don’t hear it?
No. Hear what?
The sound of my heart.
Nope, She said. I don’t normally listen for that sort of thing.
Ah, well. It’s there.
I’m sure it is. The fact that you’re still fucking talking tells me that. Do you ever in fact stop fucking talking?
It’s weird.
What’s weird? That you can’t stop fucking talking?
The sound of my heart. It’s weird.
Why?
I don’t...

April dropped Abbey off to me on Saturday, and we sat down to have a long conversation. I told her about all of the things that I've put in motion while she was away from me. I've gotten my drivers license, I'm buying a car either today or tomorrow, I have a meeting set up to go back to school, and I've registered for anger management classes. I also informed her that I am going to let the house go, and move in with my stepdad. I begged her not to see that as a copout, as the easy way out. Because...

Everyone was right about me. I'm not a good person. I'm not attractive. I'm not smart. And now my wife has left me, and taken my daughter with her. I am not well. All I can think of is how can I get my life back, but I can't. April doesn't love me anymore, and I was too stupid to see it.

Somebody lost a tooth.

I started reading the second of the Earthsea books to Abbey last night. The books' opening scenes depict a family that is about to have one of their children taken away from them to be consecrated into the priesthood of their gods. The mother tries to show the child as much love as she can while she still has her, as the father looks on with impotent rage.

This raised a lot of questions for Abbey. She couldn't understand why the parents would let her go if they didn't want to, why...