I don't think i've ever felt worse than I do right now. The 8 minute walk home from the train station took closer to half an hour. I felt like just throwing myself down on the pavement and giving up at least twice. I just lost the will to move my legs any more.

So I've been back at uni. It's really stressful and has been making me very anxious, but I'm back doing things and seeing people. It's been awesome actually having a reason to get up in the morning. I've been in bed by 10pm,...

I won free tickets to a French play (in English) for joining the French Club at uni. I don't actually speak French, but my friend talked me into joining anyway. Apparently they don't talk a lot of French - it's more of a bread eating club. If some kind of club warfare breaks out on-campus, I can sleep well knowing that I'm on the side that won't actually do any fighting.

Anyway I won two tickets and I have no idea who to take. I made a post on Facebook about it but I doubt anyone...

I went to a Grease singalong with a friend and had lots of fun. The crowd was a bit dead, and nobody dressed up so it wasn't quite as special as I imagined. I was wearing blue jeans and a white tshirt with a black bomber jacket, and I was doing better than anyone else.

I want to go with more people next year, so that we can all roll in wearing leather jackets over tshirts and high-waist jeans. It would be cool to try to get people up to dance during the Hand Jive scene, and just generally...

I had my wisdom teeth out almost 2 weeks ago. I got bold today, and tried some more solid food. Bold and stupid. My mouth started bleeding at 7:20pm. It's still bleeding, just a little, as of 3:10am. It's hardly been much blood, but I've been keeping gauze on it, to stop it getting any worse.

I was supposed to go out at 7:30, but that didn't end up happening. I really thought it was going to stop in time. If I had more control over getting home I would have just gone for as long as...

My NYE plans cancelled on me. I'm just farting around the house bored and tired. I don't even think I can be fucked staying up to midnight.

I've gone the entire month of December without seeing any of my friends. I've barely even left the house.

Hoping for good things next year.

Not everybody is interrupted in their poops by large, horrid spiders. Luckily I saw it before it could come over and inject me with painful poisonous venom. I have better things to do than vomit all night.

fig1. Spot the spider



fig2. Here's the cunt

Continue reading...

I got my email from the Conservatorium yesterday. I successfully re-auditioned for my place in Classical Performance next year. I already knew I was in from how the audition went (the entire process is basically a formality - they already know who they want back in), but holy fuck it's relieving to actually know what's happening next year.

I've been keeping myself busy now that uni's over, too. I'm finally reorganising my computer room, which is taking a lot longer than I expected....

It's not even that late. Just past midnight. But I can't sleep. I don't even want to sleep. Somehow the thought of lying down to sleep makes me feel physically ill.

I seriously don't understand this. It's only been a few days since uni finished, and I'm already back to moping around the house grasping at the few lingering straws I have of friendship. I'm slowly getting more and more desperate for people to talk to, so I think I'm starting to get overbearing for the people who actually...

So I hate being at home. And I hate being at uni. And then, finally, the weekend rolls around. I inevitably go out somewhere with people, and I just feel bored, or uncomfortable, or out of place. I don't even really try any more. I sit there, and I smile and nod. I laugh, and I agree. And they lap it up. They fucking love me. They have no idea how much I'm genuinely disinterested with everything about them. It's been so long now that it's like they've forgotten how superficial our friendship is....

I've been a member here for 6 years today. That's almost a third of my life. Thank you guys for always making me laugh, and for giving me somewhere to turn when I feel like I have nowhere else.

Here are some of the standout things that I remember:

• Everyone turning into Alcar
• Chatting to people in Aji's Furcadia Dream
• Oddchat with Wil
• The birth and death of the Minecraft server
• Hobo +repping me for liking Pink Floyd
• The rhyming thread
• MA's spinoff forum that had 10 members

...