I got my email from the Conservatorium yesterday. I successfully re-auditioned for my place in Classical Performance next year. I already knew I was in from how the audition went (the entire process is basically a formality - they already know who they want back in), but holy fuck it's relieving to actually know what's happening next year.

I've been keeping myself busy now that uni's over, too. I'm finally reorganising my computer room, which is taking a lot longer than I expected....

It's not even that late. Just past midnight. But I can't sleep. I don't even want to sleep. Somehow the thought of lying down to sleep makes me feel physically ill.

I seriously don't understand this. It's only been a few days since uni finished, and I'm already back to moping around the house grasping at the few lingering straws I have of friendship. I'm slowly getting more and more desperate for people to talk to, so I think I'm starting to get overbearing for the people who actually...

Right now I'm a bit stuck with what to do. I'm still all over the place with my health. Uni is back, and I'm currently doing 2 subjects totaling 5 hours over 3 days. That's less than half time. At this point the only subject I completed last semester was a general arts one we all had to do. The only other thing I could stay enrolled in was Aural Development and Studies, which runs over the full year.

So I'm getting to uni again. When I'm there I talk to people, have fun and get a...

I thought it might be nice to get some new things before uni goes back. Some of my jumpers are looking a bit daggy, and I could do with another jacket. I'd tried to go a few times in the last 2 weeks, but I was always either too tired to make it to the shops or too tired once I got to the shops to walk around umming and ahhing.

So today I tried again. And I got to a shop. And I looked at clothes. And I came to a strange realisation. I don't want new clothes. I want to look nicer so...

So I'm still in a really bad way. A really really bad way.

I can't do things. I spend all day tired and exhausted. I've been trying to go for walks and stuff during the day, but they just make me more tired. I've been pushing on with them, but mum actually said that she doesn't think they're doing me any good today. I want to keep walking. I need time where I can get out of the house. I need to fucking do something.

I've had minimal social interaction for the last 3...

I'm still not very healthy.

Uni finished almost 2 weeks ago for me, and I've been resting up a lot since then. I daresay I'd been feeling a lot better. I was generally up all day, and getting to a point where I was going for walks, cleaning my room and just generally actually being productive. I was still getting tired at times, but it was infinitely better. I actually had the energy to be doing flute practice again, and in a few days was producing a focused sound that I've never...

I'm withdrawing from performance extension, and being forced to withdraw from my mandatory ensemble. I'm getting my regular performance exam pushed back, but it looks like I'm going to have to drop out of that for this semester too. You need to complete semester 1 to do semester 2, so basically the key component of my course and the thing that I really love would be gone for the rest of the year.

Also my group in a dumb Arts subject we have to do presented without me yesterday, even...

I don't even have words for how I feel any more.

I've been feeling a bit better with my fatigue. I've been back to the doctor, and my chest x-ray was fine. My ultrasound is on Friday, so I should have the results by this time next week.

So I went back to uni today. I got a bit out of breath rushing around for a train I ended up missing, but other than that I really thought I might be up to going. I got there, and sang in choir for just over an hour. All of the standing...

Title in lowercase for effect

So I'm struggling with fatigue again. I was diagnosed with a thyroid defect after months of this last year, and medicated. It helped. I got better. I went to Europe for 3 weeks and did stuff the whole time, and was fine. Life was good.

Now I'm worse than I've ever been. Every time this hits me it's worse. I felt it coming. I tried to rest up and avoid it, but I couldn't. I got a fairly bad skin infection, which really set it off. It totally...

I'm really unwell. Hot, cold, hot, cold. All day. Really uncomfortable. Really achy.Temp has been around 38˚ all day. It's now jumped up to over 39. I had panadol about an hour ago and I don't feel any better. Temp dropped about half a degree.

It gets really frustrating taking layers on and off all day when you're so muscularly fatigued.

Spent my day watching Mad As Hell, The Mighty Boosh and Yogscat videos, because it distracts me from how awful I feel. Laughter...