Ok so things have been chugging along nicely with that girl, apart from the fact I haven't got her to commit to seeing me one-on-one for the last month. She's generally unresponsive, for example saying she'll check to see if I could come over today and never saying anything. So I kind of got a bit pissed off, and sent her a disgruntled message. I told her:

"I've been trying to get this happening for over a month and it's been like talking to a brick wall
If something's wrong...

Not really.

So I went to a friend's house yesterday. We hung out, and watched 4 James Bond films. It was pretty cool. I ended up staying for around 12 hours.

The problem is that this fried is the girl from my past few blogs. The one that I'm totally crazy about. The one that I just can't get out of my head.

So the day I got back from Europe I went to an 18th for a while, because I'd promised I'd be there. The entire time I stayed (which was only around...

Ok, so quick catch up for anyone who missed my last 2 blogs:

Last time on Phylum's blog...
There's a girl at school that I'm crazy about. Things were all good, so I picked a nice time and told her how I felt (she actually kind of instigated the conversation). She said she had feelings for me, but also for another girl in our year. She agreed that we should go on a trial date, just to see how it goes. A few days later she said she probably couldn't take it seriously, and after...

I had my valedictory (posh graduation) tonight. I'm almost done with school. Today our year level gathered, and sat around for ages while everyone got pieces of paper, special awards and whatnot. It was heart-wrenching, tear-jerking and generally fantastic. We have a good year, even if I don't know most of the >100 kids. We all laughed together in the 2009 -> 2013 photos of everyone, and we all really enjoyed the night.

I spent most of the night sitting with This One Girl, whispering...

I can't handle things the way they are any more. School is too stressful. I've felt dreadful all week knowing how far behind I am after being unwell. I've been feeling sick again. I'm going back to the doctor again again again again tomorrow, but I doubt that will change anything. I'm starting to think this is all in my head. I'm starting to think this is all me.

Trying to stay close to my friends hurts right now. They're all I have, but none of them seem to care about me much. At...

Here is a list of all of the things I'm too tired to do right now:

1. Writing anything substantial (ie not this)
2. Flute Practice
3. Composing Music
4. Arranging Music
5. Going for walks
6. Reading
7. Standing up for more than a few minutes
8. Playing video games
9. Sitting up for long periods of time
10. Singing

Basically, anything other than lying in bed watching mindless TV all day, or browsing the internet. Some of this is a bit exaggerated, like reading. I can read things. I cannot focus...

I saw my doctor on Monday. Apparently I'm perfectly healthy. Blood tests all came up clear. Even my vitamin D is good, which really made me laugh for some reason. The xray showed a slight rotation in my spine, but that shouldn't be causing me much trouble and probably isn't the source of my back/neck aches. It turns out that they tested me for Lupus, so thankfully that came back negative.

So what does this mean for me? Less sympathy from my teachers and parents.

I still...

I wish.

Basically, the fatigue stuff I blogged about ages ago got worse and worse and worse and eventually I hit breaking point. I spent an entire weekend in bed, then rather than going to a doctor I went back and did a week of school. I don't remember if I mentioned in my last blog, but I hit a point weeks ago where it was getting hard to do homework. In that week I did absolutely nothing. Then, cue last weekend. Again, I crashed out in bed. On Monday, I felt worse, and I finally...

Seriously.

So lately I've been really tired. I'm not talking inconvenient tired. I'm talking unable to function tired. I'm talking "I've been awake for less than 12 hours and I'm crashing out" tired. I'm talking only about 5 productive hours in my day tired.

So, I'm currently 2 weeks into my second quarter of my last year of school. Between quarters, we get 2 weeks break. At the end of the first quarter I was in a pretty bad state. It didn't surprise me that I got sick...

I went out to lunch with some friends today. It was lots of fun. This kind of this is getting more and more common for me. Everything is going well this year. I feel more accepted. I feel like I get along with people better than I ever have.

Now I need to figure out why I still seem to be feeling worse and worse about life.

Also, I think my music is falling apart. The flute feels wrong in my hands right now. In the last week I can no longer get any focus into my sound...