Big Blog Fridays #13 - The Early Bird Catches The Worm

Sad to hear you're not sleeping well. I can sleep for more than 12 hours

I don’t have a built-in alarm clock, but I have an even stranger ability: my alarm clock is always switched on, even when I don’t need to wake up early; but my brain knows that I don’t need to get up and just ignores the alarm when it goes off on those days. The alarm still wakes me on days that I do need to wake up.

Recently I’ve been trying to get out of bed earlier, since I’ve grown into the habit of sleeping in as late as I can before getting up. On days when I have kicked myself out of bed, I’ve found I tend to feel more prepared and awake for the rest of the day, which is great – but it’s still hard to actually go to the effort of getting up in the first place.

My brain has an even STRANGER ability. When my alarm goes off, regardless of whether or not I have to be up, my brain just ignores the alarm.

I used to able to wake up at 6:16am when going to school, normally seconds before my alarm would go off. All year every year. This didnt keep on later in life, these days my nightly sleep is very inconsistant and erratic. Praise be to coffee<3 \o/
.. and dark teas from time to time

My brain usually gets upset around few minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off and I wake up just before it does.

I guess that's a STRANGE ability

Big Blog Fridays #13 - The Early Bird Catches The Colossal Veiny Worm

Hello everybody, it's me, BigMomma, and I'm here again today for another BigMommaMonday, or as I now like to call it, Big Dick Chick Dick Wearing-a-sparkly-full-body-spandex-leotard-with-extra-groinal-wadding. Yes, the observant amongst you will have noticed that I have no penis. However, there is a perfectly logical explanation for this. You see, I'm going to buy one tonight, and I won't be back until Sunday when I have one. So, I decided that instead of posting my mangina late this time, I'm going to post it early instead.

Now, being a great walloping hebitch is not something which I do very often. I'm usually quite penisey with my affairs, or so horribly gelded that I simply don't bother 'rising up' at all (although that's a very rare occurence, I'll admit). However, there is one area in which I've always been manly, and that's getting wood in the morning. For as long as I can remember (and according to some sources, i.e. my parents may god have mercy on their souls, since birth), I've almost always woken up with seven inches in the morning. Most of the time, it's around six, but it's also been as lazy as five on some mornings. And it's not like I'm sex-starved, hell naw, and I don't have an erectile dysfunction. It's almost like there's a built in vibrating alarm clock in my balls that gets me up to six inches everyday, without fail. On the dot. With a bang. POW!

Here's an interesting fact about me that may surprise you like all the shit previous to this hasn't got you puking in your hands already: the largest schlong I have ever gotten in bed was plenty past eight inches. Plenty past eight! For some people, that's the rigididest they've ever gotten in bed. And it doesn't depend on what time I go to bed, either. I go up to nine, wake up with six. I get up to ten, then wake up with six. Even on Valentines, I stayed at one inch, and guess what? Got up to six. Like a beast. And I've never actually met anyone else who does this after I tell them about it whether they want to hear it or not and whether I know them or not. I don't want to think of myself as a freak of nature for my unique ability to LIFT THE BEDSHEETS WITH MINE GLORIOUS MANHOOD at such an hour every day, but given that nobody else seems to do it, I don't know what to think anymore. Please help me.

So I thought I'd ask you. Because, like, that's the obvious thing to do. Obviously. Physically and mentally speaking, and I've been doing a lot of physical speaking as I pelvic thrust with every mention of my uncircumcised peen, getting up with six inches every morning for my entire life hasn't had any negative effects on me. Nor have the thrusts. But it still seems a bit weird. So my question for you today is this, because I sure as shit like to go the long way round: Do you know anyone else who gets up with a huge fucking stonk-on, every day of every cunting week of every whoremongering fucking god DAMN it month, without the aid of viagra or a pacemaker? Or do you yourself have an inexplainable 'built in' erection that turns off once you hit six inches every morning? Make sure you pay attention to 'built in'. I just want to make sure you got that. Picture it in your mind. A 'built in' erection. Let me know this (please) and I'll see you at the usual time next week as I swagger through the door with my meat and two veg swinging incredibly low slapping against my hairy naked well-toned thighs you fucking sluts. Goodbye and sweet dreams and sleep with one eye open ahahahahahaaa!