In life, there are survivors, and there are retards. Sorry SJWs and PETA, but that's just the way it is. Today, at approximately 5:23 AM, I rose from my depths to find something...extraordinary.
Now mind you, my sleep cycle is actually really fucked now because of that flu I caught recently - I'm sleeping until like 5pm every day with like an hour before class starts. But that's besides the point --- I was getting my stupid loser-ass up for a quick dinner before bed, when I heard something scurrying....
I figured a rat had paniced because of me and ran off to its hidey hole, because we have had an issue with them lately. We just got this house recently and were very unhappy when we discovered evidence of a rat problem from the previous owner... One thing lead to another, and now we're gonna end up having to call an exterminator.... But I got curious when I kept hearing it wriggle around.
I figured maybe it got stuck in a sticky trap somewhere, but when I investigated, nothing. Then while looking through the kitchen I see something move and I realize my environment, and had a massive WTF-moment.
A FUCKIN'Illigal immigrant!!!! I don't know how long he was there - I don't know if this happened before I entered the kitchen, or if it was a result of it. But this FUCKIN' idiot rodent was too fat, and he got STUCK. FUCK!!! Fuckin, FUCK me in the ASS! What ammi to do now??
I took these pictures because he was honestly just stuck for real - he kept running upwards indefinitely but he seemed really tired and out of it like he was giving up on life.
So after I had my fun with the camera, it began to sink in just how actually shitty this situation was for me. I mean, yeah he was trapped, but what was I to do about that?
We had plenty of sticky traps and traditional spring-traps, but eeeewwww! I could catch dem chinese ebola-aids if it bites! Grabbin him was probably a bad idea.
We could easily stab him, but then eeeeeewww, rat blood! Also ebola-aids on knife.
We could have stuffed him full of poison, but eeeeeewwwww, poison on the dishes!
We could have shot him, but then eeeewwww, police!
We could have also just let him sit there and suffocate, but then eeeeewwwwwwww! Squishy decomposing corpse full of ants an flies that'd squirt puss when we try to remove!
So we decided finally to negotiate with the pack, and release the prisoner back to his country, beceause then we could have a chance at capturing him at the border next time in a more proper, contained kind of way.
We rustled our jimmy-machine until eventually it squirmed away and ran behind the wall. Then we returned to the drawing board and reconsidered our international policies. Clearly, we need more security. But after seeing this happen, I don't think we have much to worry about. They don'seem to grow em very educated-like down there.
