I'm a bitter old man
Posted 03-29-2016 at 06:05 AM by Nepsotic
I know this. I don't really feel like changing it either, but it gets tiring. I lie in bed all day playing games or watching Sons of Anarchy, and drinking energy drinks, of my own volition, of course.
I'm not happy with who I am, and I'm not even sure I know who I am, but I know that if I'm not miserable them I'm not myself, or at least I feel that way. It's quite pathetic that my entire personality had become bitterness and depression. The worst part is I don't even care, I don't even care that I wallow in misery all day or if people don't want to be around me. There are only few people that actually matter to me and I'm worried that I'm going to lose them if I don't get out of this cycle. If all goes to plan I should be moving in with my best friend this September, that should change things up enough to get me out of this hole.
I don't know how I'm going to make it that long, though. I love my friends but as much as they say they're there for me I can't help but feel paranoid that they'll get sick of me and drift away. I don't know what to do. Do I just sit in my room for 6 months because that's all I feel I can do. I can't make Sons last that long. I can't change who I am, I'm a negative person to the point where my misery and depression has become part of who I am, and I don't think I can change that. Why would these people want to be around me.
I don't even like being here. I take my aggression out on other members because I like making other people feel like shit. The arguments I get into only piss me off and it's my fault because I'm too stubborn to step down and leave it, even when I know I'm right.
What do I actually do here
Sorry for the bad paragraphing but I don't give a fuck.
I think I might stop posting here. We'll see what happens. Thanks for reading this uplifting blog