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What's Been Happening With Nepsocks?


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What's Been Happening With Nepsocks?

Posted 01-23-2016 at 01:29 PM by Nepsotic
I had a job for a year, then I had to quit because I was going to get sacked for "gross misconduct". It wasn't even that bad! Anyway, that was a good few months ago and seeing as I managed to get my beastly PC put together just before that I'm not too arsed. I might try going for a job in PC World or something.

I've been through one year of college and tried three courses in total. First I did games design, but I dropped that after about a month because it wasn't doing anything for me.
So I joined a music technology course, did that to the end of the year but didn't go back for the second year because I wasn't learning anything. Waste of time.

Now I'm doing games design but at a different college, it's still a shit course but I mainly joined it because it's what my cousin's doing so we just have mad bantz all day.

What else? Uhhhhh

Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I have manic depression, and after ODing on my antidepressants a couple of months ago I was supposed to spend the night in hospital, but after waiting 11 FUCKING HOURS for a bed I just said fuck it and we went home. That wasn't a fun experience. Now the college is saying that I need counselling even though I'm fully aware that it won't do anything so there's no point. That bitch told me I could be sectioned because I'm refusing the treatment and it's like anyway
She was probably just saying that to scare me into it. I've been fine ever since, I'm just totally apathetic. Even in the hospital it was just like whatever. I can get random mood drops though, which is why I think it's manic depression or bipolar or some bullshit.

I've been like this since around 2012 so it's like I can't imagine myself not being chronically apathetic or miserable. I can't picture it, it's like it's part of my identity or something. I guess that's a super depressing thought in itself, but it's just who I am.

The doctor put my on a higher dosage and now my mum has to keep them, which I find a bit patronising and, but eh so

Oh, I started an electronic/death metal band with my cousin and that's going down a treat. Being able to scream monster noises into a microphone is a really good way to vent apparently, and now I've finally managed to put a good studio set-up together so I'm pretty happy with that.

I'm still doing music shit on my own, and I've just started releasing a 3-part album on Bandcamp so you can go check that out if you want.

Oh yeah, met up with Slog Bait last year and Vyrien a couple of times, more mad bantz were had.
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MA's Avatar
hey man! if you don't mind me asking, was the OD on purpose or accidental? and yeah i feel for you about the hospital situation. no one likes to spend time in hospital but nowadays it's hard enough trying to get in the fuckers.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 02:22 PM by MA

Holy Sock's Avatar
Sounds like you might benefit from some counselling. Not to be a wank but it can help. You can also then get a professional diagnosis to see if you have bipolar or manic depression - which people can help you with.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 02:34 PM by Holy Sock

Nepsotic's Avatar
But it's just too much effort for results that are either nonexistent or too slow. I mean yeah, I could do with some bipolar medication but it just isn't worth it.

Yeah I definitely agree with that MA, the NHS is fucking inefficient as fuck, they said I could be waiting days for a bed and it's like what is the fucking point then. And yeah it was on purpose.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 02:38 PM by Nepsotic

Holy Sock's Avatar
There is no short term fix for mental health issues and you've got to put the effort it man. It can be hard but the alternative it just putting up with things. The idea that these results would be nonexistent, I think, is just an easy way to dismiss something that could really help you potentially. my brother has been suffering from OCD and delusional psychosis and was only diagnosed this year. He's definitely been getting some help but he can also be quite dismissive of the process.

He's very set in his ways - he feels like he's always been a certain way and changing this changes him fundamentally as a person. You really need to want to help yourself above all else. There's only so much other people can tell you. They can make you take medication and go to meetings but unless you try and embrace the process - find out what works for you and what helps you - you're going to remain in this state of mind.

It's a difficult thing to do getting help when it comes to your mental health but it's something seriously worth considering.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 02:50 PM by Holy Sock

MA's Avatar
Holy Sock is right, you should go see your GP and tell them how you're feeling, assuming you haven't already. hopefully they can refer you to a psychiatrist or something like that. they might put you on anti-psychotics and/or anti-depressants for a condtion like bipolar, but i'm just going by past experience. i'm no expert. it's a difficult one to treat, my uncle suffers from it. i myself suffer from psychotic depression.

and i don't want you to do something like OD ever again. you're my buddy and i love you. many of us do.

also i'm glad you're still working on your music.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 03:17 PM by MA

OANST's Avatar
Depression sucks. Massive depression makes you lose all perspective, and ability to be rational. Keep trying new meds until they find the right ones. Or occupy a Taco Bell parking lot the first time something goes really wrong in your life.
Posted 01-23-2016 at 03:33 PM by OANST

Nepsotic's Avatar
Oh god, the fucking Taco Bell parking lot.
I think there's like one Taco Bell in the UK.

And thanks guys, but honestly I'm pretty confident that I won't do it again, that being said once you get into that irrational state of mine there's nothing getting you out of it.

The meds I don't think really do anything because it's an instant mood switch that happens at random times -mainly night- as opposed to a constant feeling of misery. Most of the time I feel zero emotion, ever since the hospital I don't think I've been quite right, but honestly feeling nothing most of the time is much better than feeling shit all the time.

Thanks MA, I love you too <3
Posted 01-23-2016 at 04:02 PM by Nepsotic

Varrok's Avatar
So that's what really happened at Taco Bell
Posted 01-24-2016 at 01:37 AM by Varrok

Nate's Avatar
People keep talking about Taco Bell in front of me. I have only one memory reference for Taco Bell. It's not a good one. I should probably go to eat there, just to have a second memory to draw on.
Posted 01-24-2016 at 10:54 AM by Nate

OddjobAbe's Avatar
MA, Holy Sock and OANST said everything for me, so I'll just wish you well. I've had famly and friends that have dealt with anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, OCD, bipolar and other things, so I know too well that trying to manage these matters is a challenge to say the least, so the best of luck!
Glad you're carrying on with the music, even if you didn't think it was quite your thing to do it at college, good that you've kept that up.
Posted 01-24-2016 at 12:44 PM by OddjobAbe

 

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