Top Ten Best Jobs Ever Conceived by Man

First thing I should have said when I first posted this is that its largely based on an article on a strange and distant website. I made it in a flash of plagiaristic inspiration and have since been sorely tempted to delete it (mainly from shame) but instead it will remain here for the sake of posterity. Basically the same reason I haven't deleted that dreadful old story I wrote...

Top Ten Jobs of all time:

10) OWF Admin
(Cus everybody wants to be an OWF admin. You get to edit things, delete things and ban anyone you don't like. Plus everyone in a small online community looks up to you.
Cons: Minus-wages and MeechShrykull)

9) Kitten Cannoneer
(Cus who wouldn't want to fire kittens out of a cannon? Like if there was a town in Africa that was dangerously short of cute you could cannon kittens into the town with your kitten cannon. Obviously it'd have to be a special cannon that didn't hurt the kittens or T-nex would kill you.
Cons: High potential for collateral damage, like that aid box they dropped on a house in Afganistan, killing the family in the house)

8) Lightsabre-wielding sushi-chef
(Come on, you get a lightsabre! That's a good enough reason for having any job, and unlike a Jedi you don't have to work to save the Galaxy or anything, and unlike the Sith you don't have to have a burnt face or a trench in your forehead.
Cons: like any restaurant job, you have to deal with customers, and for some reason when people walk into a restaurant they immediately become total gits)

7) Whale-Riding Pizza Delivery Boy
(Imagine the scene; you're on a beach and you're hungry so you order pizza and what do you see next, but the delivery boy riding a KILLER WHALE towards you! It's the baywatch job that anyone can do!
Cons: Once again we find ourselves in the catering business, and there are people out there who will complain about soggy pizza, even if it was delivered on whale-back. These people have no imagination.)

6) SandWorm Grand Prix Racer
(Oh-oh-oh-oh yes! Great pay, high speed and everyone will respect you!
Cons: Fall off and you won't have time to worry about broken bones)

5) Velociraptor Rodeo Cowboy
(Man, everyone loves these guys. And lets face it, it's really, really fun!
Cons: No one keeps this job for long)

4) Death
(Right, he looks awesome, he visits exotic locations, meets lots of people and hears lots of Last Words, which everyone loves. He's respected and everyone loves that work-uniform. And best of all no one can touch him except by beating him at a game of wits, and since he's Death he automatically by default has a lot of wits!
Cons: Poor relationships with your clientelle and frankly you'll have a hard time convincing the current guy to give you the job.)

3) Manager of a Fireworks, Slide and Puppy Dog Factory
(Right, what could be cooler? I mean you're getting paid a manager's salary to watch fireworks, test slides and play with puppy dogs! The only job in the world you're garanteed to go to every morning with a grin on your face, even if your car's broken down and you have to get the train.
Cons: Constant smiling will eventually cause serious cheek-pain.)

2) Monster Truck Taxi Driver
(Just reading the job description for this would make Arnold Shwarzenegger weep tears of joy. People think taxi-driving is bad, but in a Monster Truck? No one will dare throw bricks at your windshield, mock the Elvis Presley figurine dangling from your rear-view-mirror or torch your vehicle from the back seat (and if you don't have an Elivs Presley figurine you should get one just so you can watch their horror at not being able to mock it). If there's a traffic jam it won't bother you; just floor it and drive on over to the front! Police can't get you 'cus YOU HAVE A MONSTER TRUCK!!! I mean you're already going on Google right now searching for an application form aren't you!
Cons: Chewing gum will be the bane of your existence.)

So what can possibly be better than a Monster Truck Taxi Driver? What can beat that? What indeed is the best job of all time?

It can only be...



1) President of the Moon!!!
(Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yes! I mean other Presidents get private jets or private helicopters; you get a private SPACE ROCKET! There are no other politicians or political parties like the ones that ruin normal Presidency and you get to decide on all the people you want in your society so you can keep out the nasty people. Plus you can jump really high, break the world record for the 'longest distance for throwing a car' and do loads of other cool moon-stuff.
Cons: Absolutely none!)


This informative message brought to you by 'A Jar of Dead Fish' Productions. Ideas in this blog were not necessarily originally contrived by the author.