DICK MOVE

For the last 3 years something irrevocably stupid and emotionally scarring has happened to me during each summer. Usually avoidable, and inevitably partially culpable by yours truly, I've avoided letting such things happen. I've been successful, it's been a boring but content summer for me. All indicators are sweatily indicating I'll be heading to college in thr fall for the study of "Anything but full time factory labour oh please oh god".

My life is on track, but you better believe I have something to be pissed about. Oh, I've also lost some weight. I actually look pretty trim if you ignore my beer gut. I just want to sell the fact that nothing is terribly wrong with my life right now.

I do not like my sisters boyfriend. I'm not expected to I guess, but I really wanted to give the guy a shot since she likes him. Gotta respect family and shit.

No longer. I find him unbelievably irritating. He's in a fucking noise band for crying out loud. I went to one of his shows on friday and the guy literally played what I can only describe as "circus music" for a few minutes before he started beating some shitty cymbal with the neck of a guitar. I don't care if this is how you express yourself, I don't care what artistic merit is attached to it in your mind and I don't fucking care of you honestly believe you're clever for generating sounds that I would rather hear a dog defecate than listen to. His set ended prematurely when the fucking idiot knocked his mixer over. I waited an hour for him to set up and (not exaggerating) his set lasted five minutes. I hate punks, I hate noise, soooo fucking much now. My exposure to them has been limited to argumentative fat dudes and gutless whiners. He got paid fourty dollars just for being someone who deserves to be slapped.

It's some elaborate channel of punk music. All the clever t shirts, all the cigarettes and all of the meaningless posturing indicated so. If you were at this noise show and you are reading this, I DON'T FUCKING LIKE YOU OR YOUR SMELLY SOUL. GET A HAIRCUT.

But wait, there's more.

See I've really put my time in with this guy, and in the right mood I find him tolerable, even likeable! The right mood has occurred precisely twice during my experience with him.

Imagine if someone came up to you and started making jokes based on things you posted on facebook a few months ago. Imagine this person constantly inviting you to enjoy music that you'd rather puke on a grandmother than experience live and then quizzing you about it each time he sees you. Imagine someone who finds explaining internet memes based on their niche music taste good conversation. I'm so glad writing this is making me angrier. I'm on my terrible phone too amd you better believr it's doing all kinds of annoying shit while I type this.

I was driving my sister and her boyfriend home earlier tonight a d telling them a very meandering snd pointless story about a drunken vision I had where I kicked a dude a didn't like in high school in the head a bunch of times. Suddenly boyfriend says 'hang on, let me just do something'. I need to explain that we were stopped at a stop light in the centre lane in a running vehicle.
What does he do? He takes off his seatbelt, opens the door and proceeds to get out of the car. In the middle of the road. Then he gets back in when I calmly (loudly) and politely (lividly) exclaim "whatarryoudoi-what the FUCK are you doing!?"

Yes his 'epic prank' was tricking me into thinking he was going to do something retarded (press the crosswalk button) by doing something fucking retarded. Sitting at home you're going "What?" and possibly rereading that last paragraph, but you read it right. He 'pretended' to climb out of the car to make me think he was hitting the crosswalk button.

If you find this funny, learn to drive a car.

I do not understand this being funny. This guy doesn't drink. He doesn't do drugs. He's a straight edge punk, obviously the coolest of all punks. He was stone sober doing what is honestly the dumbest thing I've ever personally witnessed. Why would you ever, EVER move your body out of a running vehicle with no explanation. What if some drunk veered around the corner while was standing between the road and the car and just fucking bubblegummed him all over my shitty sedan.

Ha ha! Great joke! So glad your girlfriend almost got to see you turned into hamburger because your sense of humor is actually that bad.

He doesn't drive. That's the only excuse I could come up with. "he doesn't drive, Mac. He doesn't comprehend how incredibly dangerous what he just did was."

I'm so fucking tired. I wanted to be asleep about 4 hours ago but I just couldn't do it until I got this down. What a fucking idiot. I've done some extraordinarily dumb stuff, gotten myself into truly moronic situations but as soon as you put yourself in danger on my watch I get first pick on who is the fuck up.

Imagine having to explain to a grown ass man (older than you by a few years) why exiting an idling vehicle with no explanation as a 'joke' is dangerous and foolish, while trying to do so in the most polite way possible to avoid offending your family member who inexplicably adores this person. Want to hear something cold? I hope they break up. He's pushing her to pick up her life and place it somewhere she doesn't want to be and that is fucking unacceptable. Alright my battery is literally at 5% so that's the end. Such a dick move.