Rayners Lane

I've had plenty of time to reflect on my state of affairs on my early morning commutes to work for the last few months. Two hours a day stuck on a rocketing fart box with contemptible excuses for people pretty much forces you into your own world and when I'm not reading I just kinda think about shit.

Man this is so deep already.

As I said in my last blog, things are going quite well. I'm training as a quantity surveyor and I genuinely feel like I'm starting to give back more to the company than I take. I've got a meeting on Monday to talk with a contractor about the bid we put in for a project in London. I helped a bit writing the tender and my boss has told me that if we win it he wants me to head the surveying for the company and base myself on the site. It's a sign that I'm coming into my own and it'll be great to have my own project.

One thing though. The contract is worth about £2.4 million. I'm fucking ninteen. This sort of thing makes my head spin, I'll have a significant role in making sure our money is in balance, people get the pay they deserve and that all our data sheets are kept up to date. Effectively I'll be in management (which I've done before on another site recently), but this time I'll be taking an active, genuinely important role. It's fucking terrifying, I don't want to let anyone down.

If I could see myself now, looking forward from last year. I don't think I'd recognise myself. Despite that over all sense of worry about that project, I also feel proud that I've been given the opportunity to get on board. I feel confident and excited at the prospect and to be honest, this is one of the most important things I've done in my life to date.

I spent this week writing up a tender independently for a small project doing up some apartments for rich people near the American Embassy, if we win that project it'll be the first bid I've done independently and it'll be successful, that's quite cool.

So like, I dunno if this just comes across as sheer bragging. I'm just excited because I actually have a reason to have some self worth now. I'm proud of myself for growing as a person and all that shit.

Rayners Lane is a limp dick train station that needs to get its shit together. I'd rather get off at Cockfosters.