Lemons

Right now I'm a bit stuck with what to do. I'm still all over the place with my health. Uni is back, and I'm currently doing 2 subjects totaling 5 hours over 3 days. That's less than half time. At this point the only subject I completed last semester was a general arts one we all had to do. The only other thing I could stay enrolled in was Aural Development and Studies, which runs over the full year.

So I'm getting to uni again. When I'm there I talk to people, have fun and get a bit of work done. By the end of my longest day I'm always struggling a bit, but I can pull though it. When I'm home, I pay the price. I spend most of my time in bed to mean that I can get to uni. I stay home all weekend (Saturday -> Monday for me) to recover ready for my next week, with a day off on Thursday.

Before uni went back I was doing a bit more. I'd started being able to catch up with some friends, do some flute practice and play around with some coding projects. Now that uni is back all I can do is get to uni. The homework is pretty minimal so far, but it's getting harder to do things the more tired I get. I don't know if this is sustainable. I should be able to manage with a 3 day weekend, but I think it might be a struggle even then :/

Either way, to have a place in music next year I need to re-audition, which will require some serious practice that's not going to get done if I stay enrolled. But if I unenroll I'm going to lose all of my work so far this year. And probably still not be well enough to prepare properly for an audition.

Also I've been the legal drinking age since March and I haven't gone out drinking. I bought drinks on my birthday weekend at a music festival, but I would love to actually be able to join in with one of the regular things my friends do.

I'm worried at this point because the next thing the doctors want to do is put me on antidepressants, and I'm not super keen on that. At the same time I'm kind of desperate. It's pretty obvious that this entire year is just a write off though, whatever ends up happening.

This title is probably misleading. There's no lemonade here.