Hammerhead

I hate these faux-shlock movies. Sharknado and the like, trying to be exploitation films or bad 80's horror or whatever it is they're failing at. They're boring and stupid and if you like them you should invest in quality horror/monster movies instead.

What truly irritates me is that a whole generation of young filmmakes seem to have taken a cue from the string of horror-spoofs starting two decades ago to make yawn causing 'so bad it's good' films that simply don't try hard enough to be shocking or memorable. More on this in a bit.

Sharktopus, Piranha 3D/3DD are exceptions. Sharktopus had a sense of humor that this other shit lacks. I just picture the vast majority of the people watching and enjoying this fuckery as 22 year old white guys who look exactly like me, but much fatter and with worse skin, renting them off of itunes and chortling through their cheetos because they don't know any better. People are so god damn naive it makes my head hurt.

See, we're going to have yet another wave of young film-hopefuls entering the industry with the goal of making something that rivals the shittiness of Sharknado in the next few years. In a dozen more they'll be making even less thought-out shit and the cycle will just keep rolling over us until in the year 2099, the remnants of humanity cluster in the post-Meatwar superdome to watch SHAR-, a 300 minute long thriller about a trio of stunning, gorgeous, completely wooden LA hipsters wandering around a park picking up the letters to a word that will reveal a great danger, and they'll just casually tumble into a pond and get eaten by inland pond sharks. Don't watch Sharktopus 2. If you do they're going to make even more of this fucking crap. Instead support Luc Besson and go watch Lucy, it's not the movie the ads make it out to be and it at the very least feels like someone out there is trying to be creative.