This tight space rocks!
Posted 01-02-2014 at 06:39 PM by Phylum
Not really.
So I went to a friend's house yesterday. We hung out, and watched 4 James Bond films. It was pretty cool. I ended up staying for around 12 hours.
The problem is that this fried is the girl from my past few blogs. The one that I'm totally crazy about. The one that I just can't get out of my head.
So the day I got back from Europe I went to an 18th for a while, because I'd promised I'd be there. The entire time I stayed (which was only around an hour I think but I can't really remember because I was literally half a sleep) this girl and I just sat there talking to eachother, with a few people coming and going from the conversation. We're on holiday until early March now, so we're talking on Facebook lots. We've been having these big conversations spanning ages, and we'll just come and go as we need to. I've never talked to anyone this much. I've never been able to talk to anyone this comfortably before.
I'd been feeling better about it lately (I told her how I felt 2-3 months ago, she isn't interested), but today I'm feeling as bad as ever. I might even be feeling worse. I lay in bed for a lot of last night with my eyes open. I felt like I'd just lost the will to sleep while my heart just sank into my chest. I've had a similar feeling all morning. I just can't drown it out, no matter how hard I try. I can't focus on anything. When I slept I had nightmares, which is weird because I don't usually think I dream and I recall at least 2 dreams from last night.
I've never felt this close to someone as a friend. I've never spent that much time with a person over a day. There's noone else I could spent that long with and still be having fun. There's noone else's family that would invite me to stay for dinner. When my dad told me to get a taxi home and that he'd play me back, her dad insisted on driving me instead.
I feel like I can't keep doing this to myself, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. Do I tell her that it's too much? Do I take my chance at having a decent social life for the rest of summer away?
I wish I felt differently. Fuck my life.