But wait!

Ok, so quick catch up for anyone who missed my last 2 blogs:

Last time on Phylum's blog...
There's a girl at school that I'm crazy about. Things were all good, so I picked a nice time and told her how I felt (she actually kind of instigated the conversation). She said she had feelings for me, but also for another girl in our year. She agreed that we should go on a trial date, just to see how it goes. A few days later she said she probably couldn't take it seriously, and after a bit of a chat she said we shouldn't go on that date.

It sounds like that should be the full story, but there's more!

Since then we've been talking. Lots. I think this is probably the most we've ever been talking. It's weird, and it's probably not helping me feel any less shitty about things. The other day we were talking, and we realised we'd both been at a local shopping center around the same time. She said something like "oh, but I had stuff to do anyway", implying that maybe we could have met up or something. Now, I'm still feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing. I didn't really know what to say to it. She knows how I feel about her. She knows she said no to me 2 weeks before that.

It's probably important to mention at this point that I never really see her much outside of school. We definitely haven't spent any time together with just the two of us since we dated back in 2011.

So jump forward another week. We went a few days without talking, when I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. I think it was two days before she picked up the slack and we've been talking lots again since. She sent me a photo of a plush octopus she'd found for a friend's 18th present, but she wasn't sure if she was going to buy it. Eventually we decided that she'd get something else, but I asked where she saw the octopus so that I could get it instead. She said she'd buy it for me. Today we arranged to meet at the local shopping center and exchange money <-> octopus.

In my head the exchange was going to be very awkward. We were going to make the swap, talk about whatever crap, I was going to mention that I hadn't had lunch... We were probably going to just do the deal and go our separate ways.

Naturally that isn't what happened at all. We did the exchange and talked a bit. My ideas went to shit when she asked, "so what are you doing now?" Cue walking around together for the next hour and a half. It was lovely. It was so fantastically awesome. I walked to her bus stop and waited for her bus with her. When we said goodbye there was almost an awkward moment of not knowing what to do. It's the part where I would have hugged any of my other female friends. I think we might have almost gone to hug. I'm not really sure.

I guess this all sounds kind of stupid. I'm writing a blog about going to a shop with a friend. I'm over thinking all of this. Is it right to find it weird that 3 weeks after telling her how I felt, then her saying no, that we're closer than ever?

I'm still feeling so bad about all of this. Today has stirred all of that up again. I think this is the worst I've felt about it. Ugh.