Oh hey

It was my 5 year anniversary here on Thursday.

I joined this place at the end of primary school. I was young, bright eyed and ready to take on the world. I had friends, career goals and the energy to be constantly pushing myself.

I'm typing this with 4.5 weeks of school lessons left, plus a few weeks of exams. Everything wrapping up. My university audition is on Tuesday next week, and I'm confident that I can play everything well for it.

I'm tired. Tired of constantly pushing shit up hills to get nowhere. This has been the most oppressive, depressing year of my life. I am so glad that it is almost over. Even without the Mysterious Undiagnosable Fatigue Illness it would have been a lot of work, and I've had to settle for some Bs and Cs to blemish my otherwise perfect academic record. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I think it's because I know I can do better.

Things are better with my friends. I feel like I've been much less socially awkward lately. More likeable, more caring. Me². I'm still at home every weekend, though. I'm glad school is finishing, because it means I'm not going to have to waste energy on some of these people any more. I'll figure out pretty quickly who the people that really care are. In a few years none of it will matter anyway.

So everything is wrapping up. We had out last Concert Band rehearsal for the year yeasterday. That was emotional, especially when the conductor gave all of the year 12s cards thanking us for our service. I've been in the ensemble for 4 years, so it's going to be hard to say goodbye. I have two more performances with the school, then we go to Europe for a choir tour as a last hurrah. Hopefully I'll be well enough to fully enjoy it.

I feel like last time I updated you guys on stuff I was really negative about everything, so I just wanted to let you all know that I'm coping with things much better. Hopefully I can go back to being a bit more active here as school starts to wind down.

Also, I've found that I absolutely love playing Quake Live duels, and that's giving me something other than music to do regularly. I'm crap, but there's a regular community and they're all really encouraging for me to get better. I've entered a few small tournaments for money, but I haven't won anything yet. It's a good break from school since I was finding other video games boring.

I'm looking forward to a break more than I can possibly say, but after that I'll hopefully have a spot in the Adelaide Conservatorium of Music to finally begin my real education.

The point of this blog was originally to highlight how much things have changed for me since I joined, but it quickly became something else. I hope it hasn't been too poorly written. I'm all but half asleep right now.

tl;dr things aren't as bad as I thought they were a few months ago and I've been a member here for like ever