EvERYTHINGS GREAT

I wish.

Basically, the fatigue stuff I blogged about ages ago got worse and worse and worse and eventually I hit breaking point. I spent an entire weekend in bed, then rather than going to a doctor I went back and did a week of school. I don't remember if I mentioned in my last blog, but I hit a point weeks ago where it was getting hard to do homework. In that week I did absolutely nothing. Then, cue last weekend. Again, I crashed out in bed. On Monday, I felt worse, and I finally got to a doctor. He sounded very serious and sent me for blood tests and an xray, which I've had. I won't know the results until Monday, so you can expect another blog then.

For the last week I've been mostly in bed. Sometimes I'll get up for a few hours, but that gets tiring pretty quickly and I end up crashing out back in bed. I'm sleeping for way too long, and I'm generally awake little more than 12 hours before I have to go back to sleep. I'm really sensitive to sound, and at times light. I keep having either hot or cold spells. I have a weird rash on my neck that's appeared in the last few days. I'm constantly exhausted.

Basically, I'm scared of what the doctor is going to say on Monday.

Also, I'm going insane. Two of my friends have managed to ask me how I'm feeling this week. Neither of those are any the people I would like, or even expect, to have asked. As per usual, there's only one person who consistently responds to any of my Facebook messages.

Also, I can't do anything. I can't do work. It's too exhausting. It almost hurts. It's almost like having a headache. I can't read my books for the same reason. I can't write music. I can't even relax and play a mindless video game without getting exhausted. My homework is really behind at this point.

Also (again), my music. I haven't had the energy to do serious flute practice in several weeks. I have an assesment in 3 weeks that I'm not going to be ready for. Not only is it to pass my last year of school, but it's also one of the subjects I need for uni. I don't know how I'm going to be able to audition for uni if things keep up like this. I don't know how I'm going to pass this year if things keep up like this.

Did I mention that I'm scared of what the doctor is going to say?

Part of me is expecting this to be chronic fatigue. Largely I think this because I've had it before, and I don't know of many people to miraculously recover from it forever without doing anything. Also, CFS sounds nicer than cancer or something awful.

This really doesn't get my point across of how lousy I feel, but it was an effort to write this. I'm suddenly feeling really flustered and hot and I might need to go lie down.

Did I mention that I'm scared about Monday?

e: holy shit typo in the title. I'm going to leave it, for effect.

e2: like that comma