A blog that isn't about my declining mental health

Seriously.

So lately I've been really tired. I'm not talking inconvenient tired. I'm talking unable to function tired. I'm talking "I've been awake for less than 12 hours and I'm crashing out" tired. I'm talking only about 5 productive hours in my day tired.

So, I'm currently 2 weeks into my second quarter of my last year of school. Between quarters, we get 2 weeks break. At the end of the first quarter I was in a pretty bad state. It didn't surprise me that I got sick almost straight into the holidays. That stuck with me for about a week, but after that I still didn't really start feeling much better. Every day of taking it easy around the house I woke up feeling tireder and tireder.

Basically, I started school this quarter feeling worse than I did at the end of the last one. this is not good. I can barely walk the 15 minutes to and from school right now. My leg muscles just aren't tolerating it. I'm getting random back and neck pain. I can't focus. In the last few days I'm getting random hot flushes. I've been sleeping through my alarm, and I've been late to almost every day of school so far. Trying to do work at school isn't going particularly well, let alone any homework. Lots of the stuff I'll write ends up as incomprehensible crap. I survived the last quarter by catching everything up on weekends, but I've spent most of today feeling pretty lousy.

I've been hinting at this to people. They usually just tell me to take it easy. I haven't said much to my parents. My dad will just assume that I'm being lazy, just like he always does. I've been talking to one of my friends who has recently been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome about this. She gets what I feel like, and that's really nice right now.

I had a similar thing to this after I had a virus that was like glandular fever back in 2010. I actually had glandular fever when I was younger, so that took my doctor ages to figure out. I don't know what this is now. I guess I should go to a doctor and start back down the long path of never being diagnosed with anything and people assuming I'm faking.

Oh, and the worst part is how flaky this is. I'll go from being alright one day to being bad the next. I did the no sleep night of my school formal just fine, but today when I've done almost nothing I feel like shit. It doesn't help the idea that people will assume I'm faking. Also, maybe I am "faking" and this is all part of feeling mentally shit all the time.

Either way, if I try to do something about this the general response will be to drop out of my after school music ensembles, which even I admit are killing me. They're just about the only thing I'm enjoying right now, though. If passing school takes priority over the thing I love, which is also the thing I want to do when I get out of school, then fuck.

I have so many conflicting feelings on everything in this blog. I'm really lost for what to do.