PS3 is retarded

I figure a First World Problems style blog is in order. This is a half rant/half call for assistance.

I have a PS3. It was originally my dad's, but he bequeathed it to me after realizing he only ever played it twice and I would get much better use out of it. For the brief time my dad had used it, he had set up his own user profile and PSN account.

Now, I've been playing on this PS3 for years completely unaware of the fact that I was playing everything on my dad's user account. Not that it really mattered, since I never played online.

So now I want to play online, and here's where it gets stupid.

My dad's PSN account is long expired, so I can't use it to get online. For whatever reason, PS3 only allows one PSN account per "user", and I can't change the account connected to the user profile... so I have to make a new user and set up a valid PSN account. Kind of dumb, but okay.

So I do this. Everything seems copacetic, until I realize that all my save files are on my dad's user profile. I naively think "No problem, I'm sure PS3 has some kind of transfer utility". Well, apparently not. My options are pretty limited, especially since almost all my save states are copy protected, which disallows me to copy them between user profiles or even to a USB. Yet there's a copy utility for me to move everything to another PS3 if I chose. So... I can't move things around internally on my own system, but it's okay for me to move everything to a completely different one? Dafuq, Sony.

After accepting that moving individual save states is a no-go, my last hope lies in the backup utility, which indiscriminately copies all that information to an external source.

I bust out my vast collection of thumb drives, and all of them come up short on size (something outrageous like 60GB is required for backup). So I try my external harddrive, which connects via USB. PS3 refuses to acknowledge it's existence. I look online and discover that the only USB format PS3 can read is FAT32, an antiquated format not ideal for transferring large amounts of data. Dafuq, Sony? Get on the NTFS wagon or go the fuck home.

So yeah, I'm pissed. I clocked 170 hours in Dark Souls and I want to be able to get online with those stats. I'm not starting over. Ain't nobody got time 4 dat. Thoughts? Suggestions? I expect greater insight here than I do in my blogs about my real problems.