Attention Fuckheads and Nerds

Stop playing fucking video games. What are you, nineteen? Twenty five? Enough already. Get an education, focus on friends. Read more. When you have a skill that makes you set for life, or a bunch of lottery money or a trust fund then you can pick that controller back up.

But why? You ask

Because it's childish and obscene and a complete waste of your time. Why don't you focus on bettering yourself a little more, young men? Why not get out into that sunlight and finish reading an author's entire body of work. Or take up painting.

But NO! The gamer heaves and haws
Gaming has subtlety and merit and is art

Of course, but the same way dubstep is a shitty medium for shitty people to act shitty in clubs or on kitchen tables, videogames are just an externalized plastic box that you trasnmuted your feelings of wonder into. They're a chimera of smut, flashing lights and exquisitely designed figures that provoke a sense of uniqueness among a people so similar and self-sabotogingly boring that they can only label themselves in the broadest sense of what they share: Gamer. A title taken from people who used to share these same types of experiences in dimly lit rooms creating their own stories, their own adeventures, now catalogued and sold more expensively than a Hollywood film. Spend sixty, seventy dollars to punch a man over and over until you're the ULTIMATE man puncher.

I'm getting off track. What I need to be is more pretentious and critical of the single peer-group I've loathsomely shared for my time here on this planet.


There is no value communicable through the video game medium. No moral message or subtext, just the bluntly stated or needlessly convoluted concepts of WAR IS BAD and LOVE IS GOOD and TEAMWORK IS THE ANSWER, DUH! Emotionally manipulative caricatures of real things are all that seem to get through to the gamer, amid catastrophic damage to the eyeballs and higher faculties, an ape bred to read but swindled into pattern recognition and mashing buttons constantly reminding itself 'This is worthwhile, this is what I am good at.' It's not mind control or some conspiracy to render mankind a bunch of catatonic boymen, it's just the natural intelligence slope having 7 billion of us creates. 'Why bother finishing or developing that unbelievably imaginative idea I had? Better play that thing I've played a trillion times before in some other form.'

Decadent little nobodies devalue their loved ones and possessions seeking that perfect digital fix that by and large cannot exist. I have an uncle who believes if we could start teaching dogs to cook their own food we would see a massive uptake in canine intelligence and understanding of stupid rotten humans Hmm, I wonder if the same works on us, if brain-putrefying ramen and TV dinners really do make you a stupid lazy piece of flab because you can't contain your attention span long enough to assemble a meal for yourself with no parental intervention.

But fear not, because there are ponies and film and the skeleton of the former drug culture and supercomputer rendered music to envelop yourself in and scream "I'M UNIQUE! NOBODY'S LIKE ME!" from the shadows of your cloned home full of cloned furniture, fueled by cloned foods. The truth is nobody will miss you, nobody cares and nobody wants to care.


You make me sick and angry and only expelling the poisonous contents of my raging hateboner will make me feel even a little better. Get some sunlight, stop watching let's plays, get out.