I had a really stupid epiphany.

E: sorry for kicking your blog off the page Sekto I didn't check before posting this.

I went out and stomped the sidewalk looking for work today, and I think I found it. I'm not sure when the last time I actually set out to apply to every last place I wanted to work, in person, was but it feels like years. Maybe while I was still in high school. It's a very good feeling to hear that "You'll be hearing back from us.", even moreso when it's more of an enthusiastic "I'm gonna give you a call later today, okay dude?" A real confidence booster.

I have an interview tomorrow morning at a Pita restaurant whose name I can't remember but it's some kind of rhyme and I'm calling it Vegeta Pita because I've been in a good mood all day. I'm excited to be working again (even for three hours; this is a 'working interview'.) and I had a fair share of other slightly less enthusiastic guarantees of callback.

Now onto the actual title of this blog.

I've always had a fairly hard time approaching the 'big issues' in discussion with other people. For a while I've thought it's because maybe I've been talking to the wrong people my entire life. Now I think it's something deeper. Something very Sirloinian. A lot of what I post is either a hyperbolized or simply absurd representation of how I actually feel about something, but now I'm starting to think I simply don't have it in me to commit to a black and white angle on anything without making light of it. It makes me uncomfortable to approach something without at least trying to be funny or happy about it, and often when I'm nervous I puke out a lot of terrible humor simply because that's my reaction to fish out of water situations.

Lately I've been trying to look at things a bit more seriously, and I'm feeling like a lot of what I say comes across as pretentious or uninteresting. Rather than draw back from that silliness instinct and try to look at things with a more dour, serious angle I think I owe it to myself to embrace being absurd and as far as I'm concerned funny. Obviously there are exceptions like...at an intervention, or a funeral. Or a job interview. Or making addiction jokes at a methadone clinic.
But for me to find any experience really palatable I need to be able to look back and say "Well, X about Y was undeniably stupid even if Y as a whole wasn't." It's in my nature to be fairly negative about things in a lighthearted way and resisting that just stresses me the hell out. I don't care about religion or abortion or the 99% vs 1% mentality. Most apes don't. Sure, some things bother me. Chinese human rights violations, private military corporations, the Westboro Baptist church. Children and firefighters getting shot in the face. But those are the actions of a lot of people striving to not acknowledge we're a collective of barely understanding shaved monkeys who've spent maybe 30 years total not
philosophically jerking ourselves off the whole day.

So what I'm saying is, rather than continue navel gazing and whinging about essentially being a bored, middle class shaved ape I'm going to inject black tar heroin and krokodil into my eyeballs and burn down the ocean with my dangerous dreamy demon piss. And you can join in too. Or not. Either way I'm happy.