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I, BM

299 792 458 m·s^−1 6.67384(80)×10−11 m³·kg^−1·s−2 6.626 069 57(29) × 10^−34 J·s 1.054 571 726(47) × 10^−34 J·s 4π × 10^−7 N·A^−2 = 1.256 637 061... × 10^−6 N·A^−2 8.854 187 817... × 10^−12 F·m−1 376.730 313 461... Ω 8.987 551 787... × 109 N·m²·C^−2 1.602 176 565(35) × 10^−19 C 9.274 009 68(20) × 10^−24 J·T^−1 7.748 091 7346(25) × 10^−5 S 12 906.403 7217(42) Ω 4.835 978 70(11) × 10^14 Hz·V−1 2.067 833 758(46) × 10^−15 Wb 5.050 783 53(11) × 10^−27 J·T^−1 25 812.807 4434(84) Ω 5.291 772 1092(17) × 10^−11 m 2.817 940 3267(27) × 10^−15 m 9.109 382 91(40) × 10^−31 kg 1.166 364(5) × 10^−5 GeV^−2 7.297 352 5698(24) × 10^−3 4.359 744 34(19) × 10^−18 J 1.672 621 777(74) × 10^−27 kg 3.636 947 5520(24) × 10^−4 m² s^−1 10 973 731.568 539(55) m^−1 6.652 458 734(13) × 10^−29 m² 0.2223(21) 1.660 538 921(73) × 10^−27 kg 6.022 141 29(27) × 10^23 mol^−1

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Restaurant and aggro

Posted 10-08-2012 at 08:37 AM by Bullet Magnet
Updated 10-08-2012 at 08:39 AM by Bullet Magnet
There's this one restaurant that's become something of a regular place for my family for special occasions. It used to have a Belgian theme, and though that has since changed to a more personal theme, the menu changed very little. For example, there are still a lot of Belgian beers and wine (understandable, I think most of their clientèle came for that).

I, on the other hand, come for the mussels. They do them in many sauces, but always cooked up in a black pot that they are served in. We first went there for one of my birthdays, chosen as a surprise location for my love of mussels, though the rest of the generation on this side of the family has since requested it. The time before this one had been my birthday, I opted for the New Orleans moules. It turns out that Cajun food is really hot! It was excruciating, I couldn't finish it.

This time it was my cousin's birthday. I opted for the Italian style, and as I looked in at the mussels swimming in tomatoes, olives, anchovies, capers, garlic, oregano; I realised that they had effectively served me a pizza.

I felt extraordinarily giddy and energised for most of the evening, an alarming swing up from a couple hours earlier when I was feeling extremely depressed and nihilistic. So I was bouncing in my seat and singing The Major General's Song and Ragnar the Red under my breath over and over while my cousins, brother and his girlfriend drew on the black tablecloth with pieces of candle wax.

It wasn't long into the evening when my aunt leaning over at told me that one of the waitresses had been "eyeing me up." I choked on my drink. "What?"

Oh this was fun, especially when my mother, brother and cousin got in on the act.

"Which one."
"the brunette."
"That one?"
"No the other one."
"Okay..."

I was utterly mystified. She'd been serving us all evening, I hadn't seen anything usual.

"How can you tell?"
"You see the way she keeps looking and smiling at you?"
"...no?"

I saw no such thing. I was watching at that point, not staring or anything, just paying more attention.

"There! Did you see that?"
"See what?"

I was getting annoyed at this point. I hadn't seen her do anything I hadn't seen loads of other girls do before, and nothing that I could discern as anything significant. As far as I could tell, she never even looked at me except when I was ordering. I changed the subject and ignored their input from then on. I'm quite sure they were having me on.

Presently the cake came out for my cousin. My mum had made it, it was three-dimensional and looked like the Disney castle. Nothing on my scrab or the Triassic marine diorama I had years ago, but I have eccentric tastes.
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Comments

OddjobAbe's Avatar
I thought this was going to be about a brawl you got into in a restaurant.
They ought to watch you with all those girls, though, you mucky Tom Leerer.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 09:22 AM by OddjobAbe

OANST's Avatar
People will always tell you that the waitress wants to fuck you if you are single. This is one of the fundamental rules of humanity.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 09:25 AM by OANST

MeechMunchie's Avatar
Or maybe waitresses just like fucking a lot of people.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 09:31 AM by MeechMunchie

Sekto Springs's Avatar
Of course Cajun food is spicy, you nonce.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 09:45 AM by Sekto Springs

STM's Avatar
You should have asked for her digits any way.

Sounds like you had a little too much to drink...
Posted 10-08-2012 at 10:03 AM by STM

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
I don't drink.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 10:29 AM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
Well, we've identified one of your problems.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 10:43 AM by OANST

MeechMunchie's Avatar
You should have got drunk. That would have made you more confident and physically attractive, and that waitress far more likely to have sex with you.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 10:51 AM by MeechMunchie

OANST's Avatar
What he says is true.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 10:58 AM by OANST

Wil's Avatar
Maybe you should stop being single so you don't have to put up with people being into you.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:05 AM by Wil

OANST's Avatar
Maybe Wil could help you with that.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:14 AM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
Have you ever smelled industrial chemicals? Cleaner, coolant, disinfectant, whatever. The really acrid kind that burns your nostrils and makes your eyes water from the vapours. That's what alcohol is like for me. Every alarm bell in my head goes off. Alcohol is a poison and my body responds to it as though it were one. I simply cannot tolerate it near my face, let alone as an input. It's a physical reaction.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:16 AM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
I could have sworn when I first started reading that sentence that you were equating being around Wil to smelling industrial chemicals. And I was all like, on his birthday?
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:20 AM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
When I started writing it he hadn't posted yet.

But I can totally be mean to Wil on his birthday, or the day after. I can. I really can!
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:31 AM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
That's because you're dating.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 11:33 AM by OANST

STM's Avatar
I'm slowly developing this obsession where I will track BM down and force him to go out and meet loose women.

YOU'RE TOO FUCKING HANDSOME TO BE SINGLE.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 12:18 PM by STM

OANST's Avatar
Convincing him to not wear goggles, and what looks like an old fashioned straight jacket would be a great start.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 12:20 PM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
I don't want to be with someone who can't accept my goggles.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 01:40 PM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
You have to ease them into the goggles, man. You have to let them discover first that you're interesting, and then they will appreciate that you're weird.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 01:43 PM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
What's the difference?
Posted 10-08-2012 at 02:17 PM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
I think that women have a biological reaction to people who are socially retarded, and it cements their vagina closed. However, if you show signs of having the ability to function in society, and then show weirdness later on, they will find you to be quirky, and they may actually allow you to touch them.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 02:25 PM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
Oh right. If true.

Then I have a problem.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 02:26 PM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
With your looks, and my shitty attitude, we would be an unstoppable breeding machine.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 02:38 PM by OANST

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
What, with each other?
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:06 PM by Bullet Magnet

OANST's Avatar
Sure, why not.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:08 PM by OANST

Sekto Springs's Avatar
This quickly turned into the best blog ever.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:13 PM by Sekto Springs

Daxter King's Avatar
All this blog did is remind me I still didn't ask the girl in my bio lab for her number.

Also, Cajun food is delicious.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:19 PM by Daxter King

Sekto Springs's Avatar
Are you sure it was a girl, and not a frog you were dissecting?
Either way, you should'a hit dat shit.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:27 PM by Sekto Springs

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
Are you sure it was a frog, and not a girl you were dissecting?
Either way, you should'a anatomised dat shit.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:30 PM by Bullet Magnet

Sekto Springs's Avatar
Is there a difference? Biology wasn't my strongest course.
Posted 10-08-2012 at 03:32 PM by Sekto Springs

 

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