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Manco wanted a blog

Posted 08-04-2012 at 02:19 AM by enchilado
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How do I know if a girl on the internet is joking when she says she thinks she'd love me more if I wanted to fuck her?
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wow

I think that one deserves a blog of its own.
I don't really have much to say that I haven't said before (although probably no one remembers), but I'd love some advice if anyone has any...

Basically: I hung out on IRC and a girl there somewhat jokingly said she loved me. She teased me a bit and seeing my distress she messaged me privately to apologise, and we got talking.

After we talked a few times I realised that I actually quite liked her, and told her as much, and since then my love for her has steadily grown.

As for her feelings about me... I'm still not sure. She's said she loves me, and she's given me her number and said she'd be open to me phoning her (although that failed because her reception was too bad), she's said what I said she said in the post I quote at the start of this blog (although I wish now I hadn't mentioned that, even though I have no idea how serious she was) and she's said she would like to meet me in real life - indeed, at the moment we're sort of planning to meet if I'm able to study in the UK in 2014...

So yeah, she's about fourteen years older than me, has a two-year-old son, and I'm confused about whether she's single or not - and, perhaps more importantly, whether or not that matters.

I imagine I'll ignore any advice that tells me I'm being stupid, but if you think that please do say so.
Posted in My Life
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Comments

Mr. Bungle's Avatar
Just fuck her already, goddamn.

Oh wait. She has a kid. that's tricky. I'll leave this for someone wiser than myself.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 02:24 AM by Mr. Bungle

JennyGenesis's Avatar
A kid? Oh dear, personally I'd run for the hills as I hate kids, but I think it's up to you really whether or not you think you can handle,

oh yeah, MILF.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 02:51 AM by JennyGenesis

Crashpunk's Avatar
Wow...Because she has a kid makes this even tougher. I really don't know what to say.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 03:16 AM by Crashpunk

STM's Avatar
Yeah, I can't really give any advice, she's got a kid and she's fourteen years older than you. Have you been or Skype together yet, or seen each other at least?
Posted 08-04-2012 at 03:21 AM by STM

Phylum's Avatar
Yeah, see her first to make sure she's not ugly right?

Why are you confused if she's single? If she's being ambiguous about it that's probably not a good thing, be she single or not.

The best thing I can advise is that you go and meet her and her kid. If you're planning on studying in the UK anyway you have no reason not to.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 04:00 AM by Phylum

Manco's Avatar
Yeah so after reading this I still stand by what I said.

That’s a pretty tough situation! Internet romances can be complicated in any situation, but the kid and the age difference and the ambiguity make things super awkward.

If it’s gonna be at least two years before you actually meet her then play it safe. Don’t rush things or overstep your mark, and I imagine that things will work themselves out long before 2014.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 05:21 AM by Manco

mr.odd's Avatar
holy hell dude. She's fourteen years older than you and that doesn't bother you in the slightest? And she has a kid? Personally, i'd stay away. your 18 and that would make her 32 correct? I think that is too much of an age gap and i would go for someone more in your age group.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 08:58 PM by mr.odd

enchilado's Avatar
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Just fuck her already, goddamn.

Oh wait. She has a kid. that's tricky. I'll leave this for someone wiser than myself.
I'm not sure I want to sleep with her. I don't really feel mentally old enough to sleep with anybody.

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oh yeah, MILF.
Don't refer to her by that loathsome term, thanks. She's not even old enough for that anyway.

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Yeah, I can't really give any advice, she's got a kid and she's fourteen years older than you. Have you been or Skype together yet, or seen each other at least?
She hasn't gone out of her way to show pictures of herself to me, but I have seen a couple. She has also seen a picture of me that I posted in one of the IRC channels we're both on.

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Yeah, see her first to make sure she's not ugly right?

Why are you confused if she's single? If she's being ambiguous about it that's probably not a good thing, be she single or not.

The best thing I can advise is that you go and meet her and her kid. If you're planning on studying in the UK anyway you have no reason not to.
The pictures I've seen of her weren't great quality, but she doesn't look repulsive. I'm not so much confused about whether not she's single as just unsure - I haven't asked her, so it's not like she's avoided answering or anything.

And yeah - I'd love to study abroad and the UK would probably be the place I'd like to go most.

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Yeah so after reading this I still stand by what I said.

That’s a pretty tough situation! Internet romances can be complicated in any situation, but the kid and the age difference and the ambiguity make things super awkward.

If it’s gonna be at least two years before you actually meet her then play it safe. Don’t rush things or overstep your mark, and I imagine that things will work themselves out long before 2014.
I'm not sure I'd really call it a "romance"; we've both said we liked each other, and I at least am very serious, but that's as far as it's gone. As for the one and a half years before I'd be able to meet her - it seems impossibly long to me, but it'd be less than twice the time I've known her for (about three times the time since I realised I liked her).

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holy hell dude. She's fourteen years older than you and that doesn't bother you in the slightest? And she has a kid? Personally, i'd stay away. your 18 and that would make her 32 correct? I think that is too much of an age gap and i would go for someone more in your age group.
Yes, 32. And I never said it didn't bother me in the slightest. Over the internet it doesn't, but I fear that may be different if we actually met.

In regards to "going for" someone more in my age group - nah. Not interested in being in a relationship for the sake of it.
Posted 08-04-2012 at 09:43 PM by enchilado

Nate's Avatar
The way I see it, here are the possibilities:
(1) She's playing with you. Which makes her cruel.
(2) She's serious and she actually told someone she barely knows from the other side of the planet and who's 14 years younger, that she loves him. Which implies that she... has issues.

Either way, run for the hills!
Posted 08-05-2012 at 02:01 AM by Nate

Crashpunk's Avatar
Yeah I don't think you can judge someone over the internet very well. People are different in real life.

Also Fourteen years is a long time. I mean I thought my mate dating a 15 year old was odd. But a 32 year old is just madness.
Posted 08-05-2012 at 04:28 AM by Crashpunk

MeechMunchie's Avatar
These adult issues are scary and upsetting. I'm going to go read comics and play with my toys.
Posted 08-05-2012 at 08:47 AM by MeechMunchie

T-nex's Avatar
Wow... You guys getting so caught up in age actually greatly disappoints me. I mean, yes it's .. different. However love can happen when you least expect. And when it hits you, it doesn't care if the person is even 20 years older, or if the person have 4 big toes or if they are missing and arm...

Anyway, how long have you two been talking? It doesnt seem to say anywhere.
Also she IS old enough to be a milf... Anyone whos a mom and hot is a milf.

Aaanyway.... I say keep your options open, and try to take it slow with her. Usually when people say they fell in love at first sight, what actually happened was that they fell in lust. They saw each other, and the chemistry just blossomed. THen eventually it translated into love, and to the couple in question it just seems as if they were in love from the first second. But really it was lust in disguise. Not that it makes it any less legit.
But you should ask yourself if you're in lust right now?
Also, ho do you usually do with girls around you? Irl I mean... DO you have great success? Do you feel that if you went on a dating tirade, you'd be successful?

Anyway, of all things.. I want you to know that you should NOT feel weird for crushing on this chick. Yes she's older, and she has a kid. However, that doesn't make your attraction any less real.. It doesn't make it a gimmick relationship either.

However you really, really should be careful. This is online. It's easy to lie. Make sure you verify all the important things she says... ANd most of all. Really get to know her. Because it might be that you're just in lust right now, and your feelings will dissipate later. The same could go for her.

And Nate is right... I mean I don't know the time frame, but if the "i love you" came really soon... I highly suspect that it's lust, and she doesn't realize.

So like any relationship, take it slow, get to know each other. And make sure you're comfortable each step of the way. Never sacrifice more than you're willing to lose if things don't work out.
Posted 08-05-2012 at 11:25 AM by T-nex

T-nex's Avatar
Oh and about the age thing. I would never judge people based on their age gap...

However, you still have to consider that she's in a totally diffrent phase of her life compared to you. Her brain has greatly matured, and it might be a point of conflict. Girls usually THINK they are super in tune with their feelings and know exactly what they want.. And they expect the guy to knows this from the start. At least many of them do. And considering she's 30-something... She might actually know what she's going for. You should ask into her a lot.. make sure you both are on the same page. I mean.. How would you guys handle a financial situation together? How much does she want to settle down? ...
Just.. People tend to have different priorities at different stages of their lives.
So still take into consideration that there -is- a significant age gap. But take it for what it is. Don't let it weird you out.
Posted 08-05-2012 at 11:29 AM by T-nex

enchilado's Avatar
:
The way I see it, here are the possibilities:
(1) She's playing with you. Which makes her cruel.
(2) She's serious and she actually told someone she barely knows from the other side of the planet and who's 14 years younger, that she loves him. Which implies that she... has issues.

Either way, run for the hills!
Or perhaps she's serious but doesn't mean quite the same by love as I do. Hmm.

:
Yeah I don't think you can judge someone over the internet very well. People are different in real life.

Also Fourteen years is a long time. I mean I thought my mate dating a 15 year old was odd. But a 32 year old is just madness.
Yes, it's highly possible she's different in real life. Indeed, I heard a recording of a conversation between her and someone else and although she didn't sound like an entirely different person, the manner with which she spoke was somewhat different to how I would have imagined... I had been tending to assume the worst of how she might be in real life (both because I am naturally somewhat pessimistic and because I consciously decided to do so to avoid disappointment), and it was a pleasant surprise to hear that she at the very least sounds terrifically wonderful. She has a beautiful accent.

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Anyway, how long have you two been talking? It doesnt seem to say anywhere.
Around six months I think. Slightly longer perhaps.

:
Also, ho do you usually do with girls around you? Irl I mean... DO you have great success? Do you feel that if you went on a dating tirade, you'd be successful?
I've never really had a girlfriend. It's not something I've had much of an interest in.

:
However you really, really should be careful. This is online. It's easy to lie. Make sure you verify all the important things she says... ANd most of all. Really get to know her. Because it might be that you're just in lust right now, and your feelings will dissipate later. The same could go for her.
I have good reason to believe with as close to a hundred percent certainty as is possible that all the important things about herself she's said are the truth.

And although I hope that it isn't the case, if she all she felt for me was lust - how much of a reason would that be to not meet her in real life (if she hasn't simply changed her mind about that by 2014)?
Posted 08-05-2012 at 08:10 PM by enchilado

T-nex's Avatar
Id say that if you talked for 6 months, and the feelings are still going strong, then there's more involved than just lust

Just take it at a steady and not too fast pace. And remember. One thing I learned about relationships is to not expect forever. And not to take them way too seriously. Try and make each other happy.
If things become less fun in the future, then at least you can be happy that you got to experience something wonderful and enlightening for a while.

Anyway I really wish you good luck
Posted 08-05-2012 at 10:10 PM by T-nex

Ridg3's Avatar
Because you're only 18 I advise against a relationship with someone much older, not because they are older but because of the possible issues that might come with it with the first being insecurity on either party's side. Another reason is that she has a kid and you don't know her well enough to jump into a relationship that carries that kind of commitment. She might also be a dude.

But, I'm sure you'll do whatever you feels best regardless and I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do.
Posted 08-06-2012 at 02:11 AM by Ridg3

enchilado's Avatar
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She might also be a dude.
She is not.
Posted 08-06-2012 at 03:02 AM by enchilado

Nate's Avatar
Not anymore, at least.
Posted 08-06-2012 at 05:22 AM by Nate

enchilado's Avatar
That would bother me far more than if she were just a man...
Posted 08-06-2012 at 05:49 AM by enchilado

Nate's Avatar
Which is precisely why I said it.
Posted 08-06-2012 at 06:47 AM by Nate

 

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