[REDACTED]

I think you need to paragraph better.

I'm sorry, that's not really what I was concentrating on whilst I was writing this.

I think you need to look at porn, and move on. Not save it on your computer.

My teenage hypocrisy has far more elegant themes of self-determinism, existentialism and the exploration of the self than this. Also grammar and punctuation. 2 stars.

Also, just man the fuck up and try to live a little. It's not a permanent solution, but my life has taught me that it's generally the most useful.

Okay. First of all, you are a 14 year old boy, so a lot of shit probably seems more important now than it ever actually will be. It sounds like your mom didn't like hearing you two bicker over who gets their turn with the slab of plastic and microchips. It sounds like you could be a bit more patient with your brother, or maybe just take a hard look at that 'had to download silent hill soundtracks' there. I have tried juggling and pausing downloads and you know what? Just let a big file alone and wait until it's done.

Do you play any instruments? Would you like to? What about learning a new language? What learning to sing? Or perhaps perform a one man show with piano while bellowing bulgarian battle belches.

You're at a point in your life where your brain is really really thirsty for knowledge and new experiences. Like, so much so that it might get a little sick of doing what it's used to doing and depressing the hell out of you with sheer boredom. Without being a humungous fucking creep, you aren't an especially morbidly obese or lanky organism. Go climb trees. Go yell at birds and start fires and break shit and be stupid. You want out of your house, that's obvious, so GET OUT OF THERE AS MUCH AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. Don't expect entertainment and satisfaction to come slithering through an internet connection or to vaporize through from the outside. Don't think, just go. Go now. Do something you're not sure of doing. Break a bone, punch a tree. Get poison ivy. Ride your bikes, get chased by dogs, cross a highway. Go flip off a police car because you can get away with it. Get away from your computer and all of these things that are bringing you down, kid. Find a girl and break her heart, then find her mother and break hers. Eat vasiline, insult shady Russian men. Kick a pimp and crump his hoe on your skateboard???? Prepare your own meals by luring out pigeons that live under a bridge. Ask your parents for a cellphone and then demand a better one once you get it. Yell at a baby. Scare an old person to death. Set a chemical weapon made of play-doh in a hospital. Visit the 9/11 memorial and try to remember what the hell 9/11 was.

Most All of these are options, but you're not really going to be able to say a thing about them unless you detach yourself from all of the things that seem to be bringing you down, and judging by your last couple of blogs, a lot of those revolve around very, very minor things that you'll be surprised to find don't have the grip on you that you think they do. I want to see you post a picture doing something outside. It doesn't have to be sports or frisbee or touching vaginas, it can even be you holding a big FUCK OFF MAC sign, but you're not going to feel better until you get the hell away from what is likely the very screen you're peering at right now.

As I read it, at first I thought you were reading my diary. It's funny, because I don't remember writing any. Nonetheless, give it back.

No, really, you basically counted all my hobbies I started to feel better...except belching while playing piano, I do that separately

Naw I still gotta know what you told Todd's sister sorry bruh

Maybe I should make a whineblog, it's been a while. I cut straight to the heavy shit. "Is it possible for someone to truly love me of their own free will if my every action influences their attitude towards me? Surely, then, their responses are something I've constructed myself? If to love is to be gently seduced, then what gives me the right to interfere with another's decisions like that? And is someone so inadvertently manipulative deserving of love?"

Plus I always seem to end up talking about myself in other people's blogs, as would seem to be the case now oh dea

But, Mac, I don't have any friends to do that stuff with. And what's the best way to break an arm?

Pretty much what Mac said. You won’t make friends or keep the ones you have by spending all day on the internet watching pony cartoons. Go outside, meet new people, hang out with people you already know. Even just going outside and exploring for a while on your own can give you a change of scenery and recharge your shit.

(don’t do this)

Do your legs work? Or do you require another human being to manually lift and maneuver each step for you beyond your front door? You'll make friends as you learn and do new things that your brain finds fulfilling. You won't make friends by espousing how mad you are at yourself and how miserable everything seems to be on the internet. I know, I've tried it at length.

I was a lot like you entering highschool. Not with the ponies, obviously, but a little too aware of jokes nobody else got and into things nobody else liked. I was hermetic and (am) extremely arrogant. I thought every other person was a tasteless pleb who didn't understand real art and what a real, truly unique individual should be interested in.
(waddles on top of soapbox)
Then my dad punched one of my teeth out of my head after I didn't do a good enough job cleaning his motorcycle. He faced the same obstacles in another age and chose to just lose and spend his entire life an embittered perverse little loner, and a part of me figures he did that because he hated his wasted potential and the fact that his legacy was teaching me to waste mine, or something. Honestly my dad is a lunatic.
So I hated being at home so much at that point that I started going around and doing new things. I made friends and my cynicism actually won me over to some people as being a 'funny' person. I did some amazing dumb shit, and it was sheer joy being a rampaging adolescent with everything he wanted being just a doorframe away.
Point is, now isn't the time to think of how bloody terrible and murky everything is. Give yourself 40 years of experience and then maybe ruminate on how really lackluster your life could have been.

Now I can say as much passionate, from the heart nonsense as I want, but none of it means a thing if you don't post a picture of yourself somewhere you haven't been with that big FUCK OFF MAC sign. And why not do that? You'll make me happy, you'll impress the hell outta me. You'll weird out some strangers and maybe even upset a priest, Gods willing. But feel better.

I am totally gonna do that! And I am gonna go out on my estate, find some graffiti of a spunking dick, and I'm going to laugh at it! Because I can! I'm going to stop having conversations with myself and fight myself instead!

Or maybe I should just stick to the sign. Anyway, I think I feel fine now.

Well, you're better than most 14 year olds I know.

Thanks, and I took Mac's advise. Today, I went out and bought myself a chicken burger! I even talked to the guy behind the counter!
I said "Can I have a chicken burger, please?". I had to repeat myself a few times though because I think I was speaking a little too quiet.

Though on the way home, there was a gang of skanky twats hanging about on the road, so I thought it best for me to go the long way round.

What the fuck happens at 14 that makes you this...odd? You are literally at the easiest point in your entire life.

Nothing interesting ever happens at 14, it's a forgettable year.

I disagree with that. Becoming a teenager is a bizarre, and confusing time in most people's lives. Hormones start going wild, and a desire for an independence that really hasn't been earned yet sets in. It helps if you have a lot of confidence, but most kids that age don't.

It was a weird time for me, at least. I discovered pot, cigarettes, sex, and skipping school. It was fun, but jarring, and ultimately detrimental to my adult life. Actually, I was 15 when I first had sex, but you get the point.

Odd? Am I really that strange? It was when I was 13 actually, my uncle and my cat died and now I just spend my time in my room, it's a wonder I'm not one of those fat skanks you see on the Jeremy Kyle show.

I'm not as bad now, though. I don't scream anymore, I have silent fits of rage where I bite down on body parts until they bleed. When I cut my hand open in science and lost a load of blood I started to feel a lot better, as if it was high blood pressure, but now I'm the same again.

I'm just worried that I'll do something stupid, like throw my laptop or my phone into a wall or something, I don't know what I'd do with my life then.

I went out today, though! And I did make the "Fuck off, Mac!" sign, but I forgot to take it with me. There would be no one with me to take the picture.

I discovered all the same things you did, but I'm a relatively sane person. Seven billion people are currently alive on this planet, seven billion of them were once children. They all got through in varying degrees. If you can't cut it, tough luck, I have no sympathy for such things.

But kids are brought up by different people, and in different environments.

This is true. I was brought up in the most part in a loving family. I was acquainted with death at a young age repeatedly which was positive and negative. There's nothing particularly amazing about it all, I was bullied for years and years and I contracted severe social anxiety by the time I was 11. Yet here I am now on the other side, relatively sane and happy.

You just gotta get out there and keep trying new stuff. Find something you enjoy away from the internet.

*Pulls up a Soapbox next to Mac*
I didn't really have an easy childhood, I grew up with 2 older brothers both with Muscular Dystrophy; A father who cheated on my mother, became a stoner, and abandoned his kids; and a mother who was frequently in and out of hospital, leaving me to look after the 2 older disabled brothers - knowing if I didn't I'd have to deal with my father. When I was 12 I watched my eldest brother die, and to this day I'm still watching my other remaining brother slowly succumb to his illness. I'd be stupid to say it didn't affect me, believe me it did.

After the accident/incident with my brother I spent most of my time locked in my room, lost a lot of friends from being so bitter about it all. But my brothers were always smiling, my mum always did what she could, when she could. I used that to think how good things could be, if they could smile then so could I, after all my brother had learnt after that what he'd have to go through, and my mother had lost a child. They had it worse than I did, and I learnt to be grateful of what I had.

Basically, don't think life's terrible when there's plenty of people much worse off than you are.

I think I sort of went through this stage. I dunno how I got out of it.

Doing stupid shit is the best advice I have ever heard as to how to get out of it. So do that.

If you’re worried about that then maybe go see a doctor and get it looked into?

More likely though it was the endorphins kicking in.

I need to go see a doctor anyway, I fear there are many serious issues with me. But I don't want to, I'm scared, and kind of embarrassed. Even when he was just looking at my knee.
Josh, that must have been terrible, it makes me wonder why I'm so stressed out when so many people have it worse.

Actually, I'd say a fair percentage of them still are children, or infants.