Getting The Better of Me

So as some of you may have read on Jordans blog, I made a comment about how I use my sexual orientation as an excuse not to give blood, now whilst I am doing "the right thing" by obeying the rules in place, as we have seen with Jordan, the rule can easily be bypassed, and hey, it benefits someone, but to be honest, it goes beyond that, it's my big phobia of needles that prevents me from giving blood.

Today I was supposed to have a blood test, now, my big fright kept me up all night, I just couldn't get it off my mind, and this is probably going to sound like a big pussy overreaction, but even thinking about it (which I couldn't stop doing) just made my body hurt. So I barely got any sleep, and when the morning came, I could hardly keep my eyes open.

In the end, I chickened out, I didn't even get dressed to leave, I just couldn't do it, I already have enough stresses in my life at the moment and the stress this blood test was causing me just didn't help. Not to long after I was supposed to be at the surgery my mum asked how it went, I told her I didn't go, then follows a load of phone calls from different family members all of which said something along the lines of this.

"You should go, you need to go for a reason, if you want I will come with you"

and I replied each time with something along the lines of this

"Yes I know, but I just can't handle it, I'm 19, I am old enough to make my own decisions and it's my health, I'm in no pain so it's no worry of mine at the moment"

And no, I can't handle it, and it doesn't help either, that my stepdad, who is diabetic, will purposely wait for me to be around before giving himself an injection and will make sure I see it which just makes me feel so uncomfortable and drives me crazy, sometimes I will be getting something to eat and I will need to take a few minutes time out in my room, but then again this is the same idiot, who, when my aunty announced she would going on a plane for the first time in her life, decided to get out his ipad and show her everything about plane crashes...

And I know I'm going to be told the same thing here, that I should have gone, but even now, it's just stressing me out, frankly, this is just my place to vent it out and get it off my chest.

I also arranged to take a visit to the sexual health clinic next week with a friend for a check up, but I'm going to cancel this to, the last time I went, the blood test there was just nothing but an absolute disaster, because of my phobia, which is probably an even more dangerous thing to do, but I just have no motivation to do so, I feel no pain, so getting the stabbed in the arm is not something I'm willing to go through for probably nothing for both appointments.

Right now, I have no plans at all to rearrange this blood test, and I don't know if this has anything to do with me not going, but I've just felt so low and so shit all day, I've spent all day locked up in my room with the lights off and curtains closed, which is highly irregular for me I must say.

Well I'm goona end this by asking, how do heroin users do it?