Adventures in online dating
'Kay, before I delve into the actual subject I figure I should update anyone who cares on that whole 'dude broke into my house and stole shit' incident.
I spoke to him the following saturday and he extruded this pathetic, brainless, armchair-freudian story that conflicted with itself and ultimately just exposed him as less 'insane in the membrane' and more 'manipulative, dumb scumbag'. He claimed he loved me, he did it to ruin our friendship and that he had no control over himself after subsequent grillings of why the fuck he did it. Then he said he was planning on killing himself after the conversation. I don't care how callous this sounds, but I didn't give a shit and I still don't. The next time I see him I'm punching him. In the balls. Because he didn't kill himself, because he is a fucktard who wouldn't do what's right. Which is ridding the world of his idiocy.
We got the locks replaced and got some extra keys, so now nobody can enter the house that isn't us. I feel terrible for my mom, I'm not sure what's more prominent; the hate or the guilt.
Anyway, I met a girl last saturday who I'd been talking to over the internet. She claimed she was 5 foot and 'curvy', and her well-aimed pictures implied as much, so I assumed "Pudgy short girl who's probably nice."
I was wrooooooooong.
First of all, and this is important, she was seven fucking feet tall. I'm 6'2 or 6'3. I consider myself tallish. This bitch had me dwarfed, which would be awesome for the Fantasy fan in me if she weren't 450 pounds of unadulterated stupid.
She lied about her age, pretty quickly made it clear we had NOTHING in common and just generally made me extremely uncomfortable in her appearance and manner. Also, she had weird thumbs. I was nice about it, but fuck she had some weird-ass thumbs.
On top of all this, she helped herself to my cellphone, went through my messages, and then 'accidentally' showed me a picture of her amorphous, planetoid tits when she was scrolling through her phone. I was spooked.
She complained that I didn't reply to her texts. Bear in mind that she would send me a message, then an addendum, then a smiley face (every FUCKING time) and not understand why I did not reply to each.
On Monday, after the frightmare of first meeting her, she offered to drive me home from work since she was in town. I was like 'kay'. Since I have to walk at least one-way to work every day (which takes an hour). She didn;t want to unless I would hang out with her for awhile after work, kinda defeating the entire point of driving me home, so I said I'd buy her a hot chocolate or something before she dropped me off.
NOPE, turns out she had fat plans of her own. She essentially said "How about instead of driving you home I waste a shitload of gas driving you back to my house where you can meet my stinky friend and then listen to my fucking vocal recital for 2 hours."
To which I replied:
"I'm walkin'."
I hate stupid girls whose only talent is singing. Singing is boring unless you sing cool songs. Instead I always end up with fatty tatties who love Corpse Bride.
