The woman I love wanted to be on a pirate ship's crew. I'm all for this, naturally. It's a damn cool idea. But for some reason, she couldn't be part of the crew she wanted to be on. It's not like it was just a pipe dream, or that they didn't like her, or anything like that. She knew them, they were local, and they were friends with her. But, for some reason, they couldn't leave port.
Maybe it was because their ship was blown half to hell or something like that.
Which was too bad. Even I was a bit disappointed. Because of this, TWIL (as I'll be calling her from now on) wanted to get her possible crew mates a gift. Some marijuana. Now, to be honest, I find drugs to be incredibly distasteful. Just talking about them puts me off and makes me uncomfortable.
But god damn it, it was what she wanted to get them, and I was going to make sure she got it.
So out I went, on the hunt for marijuana. I don't know why I was looking for it inside the pirate ship, or why it was pitch black, but I was going to do it. I was going to find the MacGuffin and woo her. Since it was night, I had a clip on flashlight thing, that I'm pretty sure is meant for a book. It was a bit too bright, and I didn't want to be discovered, though. So I experimented a bit with trying to get the switch slightly between OFF and ON, just plain taking the batteries out, and so on.
But suddenly, one of those wibbly-wobbly dream wipes happened. Like that one scene in Inception, where they're having a dialogue in a dream, and it just cuts to a different location, even though the dialogue is in the same place.
Naturally, I didn't question it nor why I was suddenly in school.
Nor did I question why TWIL was in my Drama 1 class with me, along with people who I'm pretty sure were her friends. We were doing some improv game that involved standing around in a circle. Or we were listening to something the teacher was saying or some shit.
While we were doing this, one of her friends leaned over to me and told me, "If you want to marry her or anything, now's the time. I can't help any more." Since I was standing in between her and TWIL, I just gave her the "Shh" gesture. Like the guy in the spoiler tag button is doing.
"What are you thinking she'll hear you you short woman?"
Now, this is the part where my brain looks at my subconscious and says "What's with this story? It makes no sense! I know, I'll throw in a bunch of random shit. We'll appeal to the Stella audience!"
Soon after the message I received from my subconscious about wooing TWIL, it was almost time for class to be over. Or something. The whole class, excluding me, went down into the drama room's basement(?) to sing happy birthday to someone, who had apparently been down there the entire time.
Not wanting to take part in this I left while everyone was heading down the stairs.
Outside the classroom was none other than George Lopez and someone who looked suspiciously like Rob Brydon, both of whom were apparently substitutes in my dream. Because "why not," thought the brain. After telling George Lopez that I was a fan of his (not at all questioning why I told George this and not Rob,) I ditched the school and proceeded into another one of those dream wipes.
And suddenly I was in a labyrinth being chased by vampires. Your guess is as good as mine.
This somehow transitioned into me killing one in a bedroom with a shotgun. Then, three large Chinese men, wearing nothing but underwear and with nothing more than some small wooden flails, proceeded to beat me while chanting "mai gwai fai zhi gwai fow." In the bad sense of the word "beat."
After somehow getting them all to sit down and listen to me, I told them that "the cat wants out." They laughed and said something or other. I can't remember, because it was at this point that my brain realized the script was beyond saving and vacated the area.
