I was going to leave this blog until the end of this week. But it is something that is getting me so down I just need to get it out of me now and by writing this part of the story now it will probably result in me having 2 blog posts in the top 5 but I feel I have good reason if that happens.
So for those who remember my first ever blog post I mentioned that my boyfriend is going back to Slovenia this summer to see his family again. When we first got together he told me about this but we ignored it thinking "oh thats months away we have plenty of time"
But time has passed so quickly it feels like it has been weeks since we first started our relationship. We saw it comming, but we never realised it would be this hard to cope with. I wanted him to leave with something special from me. So I wrote by hand a love letter than ended up being 5 pages long.
I didn't tell him about this letter until I saw him Friday. He opened the envelope and after a quick glace he thanked me because he said nobody had wrote him a love letter before. The basis of the letter was how my life was before I met him and how it has been with him. He asked me to read him the letter and I only got half way through the first page before I noticed a tear in his eye. I ignored it and carried on reading, but towards the end I read a part that said "As I write this letter I only feel that it will bring a tear to your eye, if it does I only feel that is because the love I'm showing you right now has made you happy"
As soon as I read this line he said "I'm sorry" and ran to the bathroom in tears and then came back with a tissue. I read the letter to the end and I just gave him a hug. We started to talk about the sad event that is going happen this week. His departure from me for 3 months however this only upset me more and I started to cry myself (I'm struggling to hold it in as I write this)
As a present for me I was gifted a bottle of Bell's whisky which I was very greatful for because I love whisky but I'm a tight bastard with money.
I was there to stay the weekend and we just wanted to forget about what was upsetting us and enjoy our final weekend together. He stored the letter safely for him to take back with him. We put it behind us and went out and got drunk.
Things sadly got worse as we ended up in an arguement
My boyfriend got all upset about his grandmother that passed away a few years ago so I comforted him. But then he was begging me to go for a cigarette. He isnt a smoker but I am against smoking and I didnt want him getting hooked but he kept begging me if he could ask a friend for one. He said to me "I wont do it without your permission"
I told him "no" over and over again. I dont remember what happened then but I woke up with a massive headache. I couldent see him in the bed so I was calling his name but he was nowhere around and I was really confused. I just sat there holding my head and then I noticed that there was only a quarter of my whisky left........
Suddenly he walks in stinking of cigarette smoke with a chewing gum in his mouth. I then shouted at him for lieing to me and just going off to smoke when I told him not to. He kept apologizing but I wouldnt have any of it. He came to lie down next to me and hugged me and was then asking me if we could go out for fresh air. Again I kept telling him no and then he wanted to go out on his own. I couldn't trust him. I thought he was going to go out to smoke again and I didn't want him harming himself. He kept begging me and eventually I just shouted at him "JUST FUCKING GO OUT THEN WILL YOU AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He cried and kept telling me hes sorry but I was just too pissed off to care what he had to say. He got dressed and switched off the light and then went to sleep with me.
I woke up hours later and realised what I had done. I felt guilty and horrible and I apologized to him when he woke up. Thank goodness he was accepting and said sorry for going to smoke without my permission.
The Saturday was a much nicer day. We had a lovely walk together and in the evening we had a Dominoes Pizza in the evening whilst at the same time sadly wasting our lives with "The Long Day Closes" which we agreed was one of the worst films we had ever seen.
Of course over this weekend the 24 Hours Of Le Mans was on and he was nice enough to let me watch most of it live. We had no more arguements over this weekend and only continued to have a nice time together.
So sometime this week he will be off to London to stay there the night before boarding his plane. We are not sure what day he is leaving for London yet. But I shall be seeing him one last time. I might even be staying at his house the night before he leaves JUST so we can make the most of the time we have left.
So if his 3 month departure wasen't bad enough theres another story within this. My boyfriend wanted me to come back to Slovenia with him. For the entire 3 months, I would love to be away from my family for 3 months and spend all that time with him in a country I have never visited where I would need to rely on him for all my of communication.
The only thing stopping me was money and my lack of a passport. My stepdad surprisingly offered to pay for the travel costs for me. But by the time I get a passport and I would need spending money and stuff it's just not possible.
However next year! Next yeat I will be going. A promise I made him. Time seems slow right now. But when I finally get to see him again in September it will feel like time has breezed by. I hope so, seeing him again will be amazing. PLUS DRIVER SAN FRANCISCO COMES OUT 2ND SEPTEMBER SO IM EXCITED FOR THAT ASWELL
