Blog etiquette be damned.

So I know it's shitty to have more than one blog up at a time, but I've reached my limit with certain family stresses, and I need to bitch. My bitching tends to prove entertaining to most of you, so hopefully this time won't be any different.

Also, the past couple of blog entries people have commented shit like 'good story', and I really need to be clear here : The shit I post isn't fiction. For the most part my life is incredibly dull, and rather than blogging about the vast stretches of nothing, I choose to share the horrible/fun bits with you turds. So, yeah. Maybe I just read into that wrong. Anyway.

As I've mentioned a couple of times recently, my parents are going through a divorce. This is something I've been hoping for since I was, shit, 13 or 14 years old, maybe younger. Their marriage has always been icy and stretched thin, so when the hammer finally dropped, I was pretty happy. Until I found out why. My Dad [who isn't actually my biological father, but I don't refer to him as a 'step dad' or anything because the puke raised me] sends me this e-mail telling me how he's bisexual, and has been his entire life.

Now, had the e-mail stopped there, it would have been fine. But it didn't. He went on to tell me about how he experimented as a kid/teen, and all of the encounters/secret relationships he had as an adult. Including those he had while married to my mom. Men, women, he didn't care what he was fucking, I guess. But it certainly wasn't my Mom, because they were sleeping in separate rooms since I was about...Eh, 14. Anyway, the details were disgusting because not only do I shudder at the idea of equating my parents with any form of sexuality, but the fact that this asshole had been cheating on my Mom, who I love more than anything, sent me into a rage. I was so angry/disgusted I puked half way through the e-mail. I guess that's what they mean when they talk about a 'visceral reaction', right?

So once I puked and smoked like 10 billion cigarettes, I resume the e-mail, only to find out that the prick introduced me to several of the people he cheated with. Not only that, but one of the men, was this guy we'll call 'Frank', who we all thought was just my Dad's friend. Guess what? Frank came over for dinner a lot. When we moved to Washington, Frank came to visit, and stayed in my Mom's fucking house. How vile is that? Again, rage.

So, luckily for my Dad, he's now living in Florida [all I can think of is that movie The Birdcage], because if he was in this fucking state I would have found him and beat him badly. The betrayal and dishonor just worked me up, hurt me, and pushed me over the edge.

So for weeks, I was just kind of in zombie mode. That's a pretty big bomb to have dropped on you, no matter how progressive you may think you are. I figured, "Well, that's it. He's done too many shitty things, I'm done with him", but my anger quickly turned to pity, and we've been corresponding via e-mail every few weeks.

What stills pisses me off about this whole thing is that he fucking knew who he was. He knew. So instead of embracing it the way he is now, he took my mom as his beard, and me as his symbol of virility. I mean who would suspect a young married man with a child of being bisexual or gay? And I guess it worked, because his career was successful, he was a prominent member of society and our local government, but at what price? My mom suffered, and so did I.

All I got growing up was his resentment, his anger. This man, my 'Dad', was, and probably still is, one of the meanest, most egotistical, self centered and condescending people that I've ever known, or will know. For as long as I can remember, he's gone out of his way to make me feel small, insignificant, worthless, and just plain stupid. He did the same thing to my Mom, but in a much more subtle, passive-aggressive way. I hated it, and I'll always hate him for it. I feel like he ruined my childhood, and if not for my amazing grandfather [my Mom's dad] Nick, I wouldn't have had a decent father figure in my life at all and would have wound up just as bad as my Dad.

So, anyway, back to the present. Dad is in Florida, Mom is here, they're going through the divorce, she seems happy, things are going better than they have in a long time. Sort of. With my Mom's new found intellectual and personal freedom, she's grown a set of balls, and in doing so, is now up my ass. Constantly.

Anything I say to her that she doesn't like, she automatically compares me to my Dad, even though the basis for comparison is non-existent. An example: Dorian and I went over for dinner/a visit, and I noticed that my Mom's cat was getting fat. I called the cat "lardo" and she immediately launched into a tirade about how I was "so critical of everything, just like my dad". I mean, really, what the fuck?

So my Mom and I are barely talking at this point, because it seems that everything I say comes out wrong, or pisses her off, and as a result, Dorian and I are now being excluded from the majority of family get-togethers and functions. I usually don't care, because frankly my family drives me batshit anyway, but Dorian is up here [for me, and only me], and all of her family is down in California. It would be nice if we could be included in some of these get-togethers for Dorian's sake, and when I brought this up with my Mom the other night, shit popped off.

See, my Mom's sister Donna has two daughters. One, Amber, is a few years older than me, and I lover her to death. She was like my punk/shit head role model as a kid, and I miss her terribly, but she's in the military, so I only see her about once a year. If that. Amber was a pretty bad kid, and Donna was really hard on her, kept her on a really short leash. If anything, this just made Amber rebel more, but that's not really my call to make.

Donna's other kid, Becca, is about five years younger than me. This kid, shit. My theory here is that Donna thinks/knows she fucked up royally with Amber, so she did the exact opposite the second time around. Becca has always been spoiled rotten, and acts the part. She says what she wants, does what she wants, and gets what she wants, even to this day. She's clearly got horrible add/adhd, but isn't medicated. Because of this, everyone is convinced she's 'a little slow'. She's not. This cunt is fucking smart. She plays into the dumb act around the older family members for pity, and because it helps her get whatever it is she's after.

Anyway, when we were kids, Becca was constantly getting me into trouble. And I'm not talking a slap on the wrist here, I mean I was in deep shit. She would fucking poke the bear, you know? But not openly. She'd fuck with me constantly, and when I'd retaliate in any way shape or form, she'd run around screaming bloody murder, and either lie or exaggerate about whatever I'd said or done. Because I was older, I was supposed to know better, and apparently just put up with bullshit, so I got in trouble every. fucking. time.

Well, guess what? Shit still goes on to this day. I'm almost twenty six god damned years old, and this bitch still plays the same games. Not only does she do it to me, but she does it to my wife. As a result, Dorian and I just flat-out ignore her. Because of this, my Mom now refuses to invite us to any function that Becca even MIGHT show up to, because we just make things 'incredibly awkward and stressful' for everyone with 'the horrible way' we treat her.

Fucking seriously? So now I've been blacklisted from my own god damned family because this manipulative little fucking pseudo-sociopathic cunt has them all wrapped around her little finger? awesome. I tried explaining to my Mom how all Becca does is start shit with us, then bitch when we end it, or talk shit about us in general instead of talking about how much we've done for her.

Did my own mom believe me? No. No she did not. I don't know how many of you have ever had your parents openly tell you they don't believe you when it comes to something that's a matter of integrity and honor, but it fucking hurts. A lot. I mean this is my god damned Mom, you know? It sucks to think that she doesn't have my back on something so seemingly small, but she obviously doesn't.

The funniest part is that Dorian's family seems to care about me more than my own biological family does at this point. Well, my biological father and I have an exceptional relationship, and I'm glad he's a part of my life, but like Dorian's family, he's down in California. I don't know, this shit is all weighing quite heavily on me. I know I'm a fucking prick here for the most part, but guess what? I'm actually a decent guy. I know at this point I'm on like 60% of your ignore lists and the idea of me being any different than I've represented myself online probably seems laughable, and that's fair. But when it comes to my family, I don't know, I expected better.

We left so much behind in California. So fucking much. I didn't have to come here. We could have stayed. Since we've been here, it's been nothing but misery. I came because my Grandma is getting up there in years, and I don't want to be separated by a couple of states when her health starts to decline, because sometimes death comes quickly. I wanted to spend time with my mom, my grandma, my cousins, my family. And now? Now I can't.

I don't know, this whole thing probably just reads like "oh wah, poor me, I'm the victim, pity me", right? I don't feel like a victim. I just feel like shit.