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He's got some of them Feline Aids

Posted 02-20-2011 at 10:00 PM by Mac Sirloin

Okay. 'What if' scenario: You have diarrhea from a cold gotten by not wearing warmer clothes for the current weather. At the same time, your butt is constipated from a gorging on bacon and cheese a day earlier. The mass of vicious half-turd seemingly erupting from some arcane portal out of every pore for half a second before descending painlessly out of your butt and being left with a mysterious but irreducibly warm and pleasant feeling much like meeting the first friendly rays of summer sun in some forgetten memory.

That's what having sex with a girl for the first time felt like for me. Well, THE first time.

But I won't pretend we were all that sure what we were doing.

Comments 25

Total Comments 25

Comments

	Sounds more like you had sex with a dude.
	Posted 02-20-2011 at 10:57 PM by Daxter King

	I can't remember my first time. I woke up with a fine lass next to me, and a condom still on. Sweet summer 2007, how I miss you so.
	Posted 02-20-2011 at 11:23 PM by Dixanadu

	It probably would to you, Dax. But yeah the whole point of the analogy was to be completely inappropriate for the punchline fucken people
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 12:01 AM by Mac Sirloin

	Close your eyes, give me your hand Darling Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning an eternal thing?
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 12:50 AM by Nemo

	Glad I read this over breakfast. Thanks!
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 01:42 AM by Wil

	What did you have for breakfast?
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 02:13 AM by Dixanadu

	My first time was with Chris. We had sex!
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 02:44 AM by T-nex

	I had sex once. It was okay... I guess.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 02:51 AM by Ridg3

	I had raspberry jam on toast.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 03:59 AM by Wil

	wat Peanut butter is nicer on toast than jam.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 04:14 AM by Dixanadu

	Which is why I save it for special occasions. Like shortly before dates.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 05:15 AM by Wil

	It's not the nutty one, is it? I like the smooth one because it's smooth. Like me.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 07:33 AM by Dixanadu

	I like the nutty one because I'm not a pussy. Unlike you.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 11:43 AM by Wil

	There actually is a disease like feline AIDS.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 12:05 PM by Zozo the Zrilufet

	Guess how you get it!
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 03:10 PM by Wil

	Fornicating with tigers?
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 03:15 PM by Ridg3

	ha. Just wait until you start having sex more often and it almost seems boring and you think oh man maybe i just should have stayed in and ordered a pizza or something and then BAM some girl has a finger up your ass.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 03:58 PM by Disgruntled Intern

	I thought this was going to be about Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. I brought notes.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 04:09 PM by Bullet Magnet

	nobody cares about no kitties.
	Posted 02-21-2011 at 04:12 PM by Disgruntled Intern

	DI, try spicing things up by having her insert different things up your arse.
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 01:34 AM by Wil

	DI is right, the more you have it, the more you it bores you since you know it's always there for you. Alas, once you're single, you want it again. Gaw damn.
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 01:37 AM by Dixanadu

	You know you've found the right partner when you can drop a rank fart mid coitus, pause, briefly discuss the smell, and continue. Laughter makes things more fun.
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 11:04 AM by Disgruntled Intern

	FIV is retroviris of the genus Lentivirus (lenti = slow). Lentiviruses are characterised by a long incubation period...
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 12:30 PM by Bullet Magnet

	: I thought this was going to be about Feline Immunodeficiency Virus. I brought notes. : FIV is retroviris of the genus Lentivirus (lenti = slow). Lentiviruses are characterised by a long incubation period... if you're so interested in FIV, why don't you marry it?
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 02:36 PM by MA

	I've already reached the legal maximum of pretend wives I can't have sex with.
	Posted 02-22-2011 at 02:49 PM by Bullet Magnet

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