Stigmata martyrs, stigmata martyrs.
I once had an idea for an improv troupe named "Satyrical," where it'd be satire in the style of Greek comedies. But that's not at all related to what I wanted to talk about.
Long rant warning
Why am I incapable of
letting go? Am I such a fucking wreck that I'm actually afraid of moving on?
Let me give you the skinny.
There was a girl I
liked back in high school. We didn't really talk much. And I don't mean that as in "I stalked her." Not at all. We certainly both knew each other. We had three classes together, two of which had us sitting next to each other.
I ended up dropping out in Junior year to go to college early. That was the last time I saw or talked to her.
Skip ahead three years, and here we are. I brought her up in a conversation with a friend of mine, and he linked me to her Facebook profile.
And then my internal mechanisms started rolling and I started thinking with myself. And if you know me, it's not very good when I start thinking with myself.
I understand that it shouldn't a big issue. It shouldn't be an issue at all. Rationally, I should've decided right then and there whether or not I'll talk to her, and it'd be over.
So why the hell is this being such a big hurdle for me? Why I am having such issue just making a decision?
It feels like when I'm in an argument with a friend, and I know exactly what I'm going to say, but I spend several minutes just sitting there and thinking about it, doubting myself.
It's that feeling of dread and anxiousness and excitement but also terror, where it feels like an hour is passing but it's only been five minutes. I have to imagine it's almost akin to the feeling you get before bungee jumping.
tl;dr
I'm basically having an emotional breakdown over nothing and if you didn't bother to read it you're missing most of the context.
