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A Max to Grind

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Shit is overflowing

Posted 01-12-2010 at 11:59 AM by Wil
Because we have a blocked toilet. So far it's been a huge pain in the arse (not literally) but not unhygienic or messy; despite the title, nothing has overflowed the bowl, and in fact there's nothing disgusting in the bowl, just water drains very slowly. Obviously not desirable in a human waste receptacle, so we've been using the bath for little jobs and strategically going to supermarkets for bigger jobs.

But fuck me this bastard won't unblock. The first thing we tried was reaching in as far as we could to unclog it manually, but there was nothing there. We tried using a plunger, but the fucker didn't form a seal. What's the point of a plunger if it doesn't form a seal?

Obviously we needed something longer to prod about for the blockage, but the only useful thing we have is a knitting needle, and that couldn't reach any blockage. Next we tried pouring in washing-up liquid and huge volume of boiling water to build up pressure while hopefully dissolving the offending clog. No result, the water just drains away in about 30 minutes and we're back to square one.

Today I went and bought a smaller plunger, but it still doesn't form a seal, so fat lot of good that is unless you need to plunge a wall. I also tried a makeshift plunger comprising a T-shirt wrapped around a toilet brush. Internet people seemed to find this a generally awesome solution, but it did nothing for us. Mum bought a drain unblocker, which is basically a whopping great syringe. She managed to dislodge about an inch-thick wall of limescale, but the effect on the rate of water drainage is minimal.

We've phoned members of the family, mum's friends, even her boyfriend, and all have come up with basically zero suggestions. In fact they don't seem to care at all. No one's offered to help. Mum's boyfriend even suggested leaving the problem alone and seeing if it fixed itself. Meanwhile, we explode from being unable to take a dump.

Tomorrow Mum's taking a day off work so we can lift up the heavyweight drain cover and stick some pipes up the tubes from the other direction. Except, wait... what's all that filthy, clumpy, tissuey mess that's all over the footpath? It's coming from the drain, but all that feeds into that is the overflow from the flat above. Mum, try using the syringe thing again while I watch.

Weeeeeellllllll, now there's sewage all across the path. You'd think it would smell, but it's completely odourless. Nonetheless, it needs cleaning up. Sweep it up, put it in a bucket... Now where the fuck do we put it? Disinfect the path.

I'd just like to thank the snow for meaning I'm still down here in the thick of things instead of back up in Sheffield amongst friends and away from all this crap (pun fucking intended).

Did I mention that yesterday we took the cat to the vet, and he crapped himself in the basket before we even got there? Unlike human sewage (apparently), cat shit stinks. And for a cat who spends whole days sitting in the sink and drinking from the tap, you should see him struggle when you're putting him into it filled with water. Got himself soaked, stupid thing.

Anyway, needless to say I've been washing my hands a lot these couple of days. And that's not helping my dry hands at all. I'm getting a lot of stress-related skin problems as it is. Incidentally, so's the cat.

Now, go eat your dinner.
Total Comments 37

Comments

Fuzzle Guy's Avatar
I want to be the first to say Shit happens.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 12:16 PM by Fuzzle Guy

Wings of Fire's Avatar
Has it hit the fan yet?
Posted 01-12-2010 at 12:18 PM by Wings of Fire

OANST's Avatar
My cat has ocd. She chews all the fur off of herself.

Good luck with that shit.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 12:27 PM by OANST

Wil's Avatar
I think mine's senile. You move it anywhere out in the house, and it just looks at you for an instant as if to say "Well, that was pointless" and absolutely pegs it back to the sink.

The other one loves the pouffe, where he likes to look as regal and majestic as possible. Arrogant bastard, I love him.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 12:41 PM by Wil

used:)'s Avatar
Lol. With those holier-than-thou eyes. It's great.

Fuck that shit.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 12:59 PM by used:)

shaman's Avatar
Pull the flush. I dare you.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 01:48 PM by shaman

Wil's Avatar
It's a push flush. And all it does is half-fill the bowl then slowly drain away. Not a very daring dare. Might as well dare me to sit on the floor, or hold a cushion above my head.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 02:24 PM by Wil

shaman's Avatar
Pardon me for not knowing the in's and out's of your shitter...
Posted 01-12-2010 at 02:26 PM by shaman

MA's Avatar
i spent 1/4 of my career doing this shit at work. you may need drain rods. if you can get to a manhole to sort the situation out, definitely get some as they do work. they may work directly via the U-bend, but i doubt it to be honest; they're quite stiff.

don't give up after 10 mins, keep shifting the rods (which screw together). maybe fill it slightly with water so you can tell if its slowly going down. it does take a while if its bad.

also, don't be afraid to screw on more drain rods, as you will probably need them; you aren't going to wreck anything and the rod isn't going to come up through someone else's bog. that's near enough impossible.

and if that doesn't work, try getting a map of the drainage system. you may be probing the wrong network. if that's the case, sort of guide the rodding around any corners there may be. it should be fairly easier than it sounds. just use common sense.

hope this may help you.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 02:33 PM by MA

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
Hydrofluoric acid. Solves all my problems, up to and including litigation. Which is ironic, considering the events that led to it in the first place.

Anyway, extraordinarily potent acid is a catch-all solution.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 02:47 PM by Bullet Magnet

MA's Avatar
what he said. we used that also.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 02:55 PM by MA

Alcar's Avatar
Don't you guys have Draino or something similar?

Alcar...
Posted 01-12-2010 at 03:15 PM by Alcar

Wil's Avatar
We tried a drain-unclogging liquid, but since it's only a partial blockage, it's only in contact with the obstruction for a few seconds.

MA, thanks for the advice. We're trying just that tomorrow, once there's light.

Also, I just shat in a bucket, and there's nowhere to put it, so it's just sitting there. I felt like crying.

Still, the size of the turds makes me wonder why Liam had so much trouble getting in. Stupid dickhead.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 03:33 PM by Wil

Mac Sirloin's Avatar
My cat is gross and covered in scabs and mean an d old and gross.

I despise her.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 03:39 PM by Mac Sirloin

Pilot's Avatar
That's one thing I did while in England. I scrubbed someone's toilet. Really.
Posted 01-12-2010 at 07:52 PM by Pilot

used:)'s Avatar
Innuendo, anyone?
Posted 01-12-2010 at 08:02 PM by used:)

Wil's Avatar
Phone the council. "Drains are Anglian Water's responsibility, we're putting you through to them."

Put through to Anglian Watar. "Drains are the council's responsibility, here's the number for them."

Does no one in the country know what the fuck is their responsibility? How long have there been sewers that needed fixing?
Posted 01-13-2010 at 12:32 AM by Wil

MA's Avatar
you know what? they're incompetent wankers, as i'm sure you already know. i'm being serious. just go out and open the fucker yourself, sort out the problem and fucking job done. if they come along saying you have no right, tell them to shove it right up their rectum. if you wait for those cunts to do anything, you'll end up needing a fucking dingy.

honestly, take it into your own hands. bastards. this sort of stuff really pisses me off.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 12:49 AM by MA

Wil's Avatar
Except that the council came and had a look, and found that the sewers are blocked for the whole area. They brought rods and used them, they brought a pumping machine, but since the problem is at least in the middle of a main arterial road, it's completely not their responsibility, so we're waiting for the water board again.

We also found huge amounts of food in the sewers. Who flushes food down into the sewers? Imbeciles. I'm amazed some people manage to live, honestly.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 02:36 AM by Wil

OANST's Avatar
Whoah! He never told me about that! Not once was it mentioned that it escalated to that level, or that there was difficulty with entry.

Good lord.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 05:58 AM by OANST

Wil's Avatar
Well, I'm not one to bitch.

Until now.

Anglian Water have finally found their brain cells and are coming to sort everything out this evening. In the dark.

Meanwhile, it turns out our electrics are melting. The pitch goes goopy and dribbles everywhere. The electric board want to fix it by turning off our and our neighbours' electricity and digging up the whole street.

Thank goodness the house has decided to fall apart before we've sold it. But given that the estate agents haven't managed to arrange a single viewing in three months, that's kind of inevitable. The sun will go nova before we move into a house we can fit into.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 06:30 AM by Wil

Pilot's Avatar
I've got to admit, at first I thought you were going to write about this place.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 10:21 AM by Pilot

Havoc's Avatar
Man that happened to me once. I cleaned something up with a bunch of paper towels and flushed it down the toilet. How am I supposed to know strong paper towels don't dissolve like toilet paper does?

Then every time I flushed the toilet upstairs, the toilet downstairs would flow over. What happened? The main pipe leading away from the house, the pipe all other drains in the house ended up on, was the pipe that got clogged. We had to dig up the damn yard to fix it >_<.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 01:00 PM by Havoc

T-nex's Avatar
Maybe you had to rip the paper towell into smaller pieces.


I've seen people throw out old soups and stuff in the toilet and flush it. Maybe thats what all that food was?
Posted 01-13-2010 at 02:28 PM by T-nex

Wil's Avatar
The food included chips.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 02:58 PM by Wil

Wil's Avatar
I suppose we shouldn't rule out the possibility that someone went to the toilet having not digested or even chewed their food...
Posted 01-13-2010 at 02:58 PM by Wil

Havoc's Avatar
Or they'd just eaten McDonalds. At the speed it comes out again it's barely digested in the first place.
Posted 01-13-2010 at 03:31 PM by Havoc

MA's Avatar
or it was the elderly. honestly, they have a habit of throwing food down the U-bend. never heard of chips being flushed though.
Posted 01-14-2010 at 12:40 AM by MA

Wil's Avatar
Still not fixed. I want to complain to Anglian Water, they need to be held accountable. Where's the Antisocial Network when you need it?
Posted 01-14-2010 at 02:52 AM by Wil

Sekto Springs's Avatar
Yet another drama-filled day in the life of Wil.
Posted 01-14-2010 at 10:27 AM by Sekto Springs

 

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