Shit is overflowing

Because we have a blocked toilet. So far it's been a huge pain in the arse (not literally) but not unhygienic or messy; despite the title, nothing has overflowed the bowl, and in fact there's nothing disgusting in the bowl, just water drains very slowly. Obviously not desirable in a human waste receptacle, so we've been using the bath for little jobs and strategically going to supermarkets for bigger jobs.

But fuck me this bastard won't unblock. The first thing we tried was reaching in as far as we could to unclog it manually, but there was nothing there. We tried using a plunger, but the fucker didn't form a seal. What's the point of a plunger if it doesn't form a seal?

Obviously we needed something longer to prod about for the blockage, but the only useful thing we have is a knitting needle, and that couldn't reach any blockage. Next we tried pouring in washing-up liquid and huge volume of boiling water to build up pressure while hopefully dissolving the offending clog. No result, the water just drains away in about 30 minutes and we're back to square one.

Today I went and bought a smaller plunger, but it still doesn't form a seal, so fat lot of good that is unless you need to plunge a wall. I also tried a makeshift plunger comprising a T-shirt wrapped around a toilet brush. Internet people seemed to find this a generally awesome solution, but it did nothing for us. Mum bought a drain unblocker, which is basically a whopping great syringe. She managed to dislodge about an inch-thick wall of limescale, but the effect on the rate of water drainage is minimal.

We've phoned members of the family, mum's friends, even her boyfriend, and all have come up with basically zero suggestions. In fact they don't seem to care at all. No one's offered to help. Mum's boyfriend even suggested leaving the problem alone and seeing if it fixed itself. Meanwhile, we explode from being unable to take a dump.

Tomorrow Mum's taking a day off work so we can lift up the heavyweight drain cover and stick some pipes up the tubes from the other direction. Except, wait... what's all that filthy, clumpy, tissuey mess that's all over the footpath? It's coming from the drain, but all that feeds into that is the overflow from the flat above. Mum, try using the syringe thing again while I watch.

Weeeeeellllllll, now there's sewage all across the path. You'd think it would smell, but it's completely odourless. Nonetheless, it needs cleaning up. Sweep it up, put it in a bucket... Now where the fuck do we put it? Disinfect the path.

I'd just like to thank the snow for meaning I'm still down here in the thick of things instead of back up in Sheffield amongst friends and away from all this crap (pun fucking intended).

Did I mention that yesterday we took the cat to the vet, and he crapped himself in the basket before we even got there? Unlike human sewage (apparently), cat shit stinks. And for a cat who spends whole days sitting in the sink and drinking from the tap, you should see him struggle when you're putting him into it filled with water. Got himself soaked, stupid thing.

Anyway, needless to say I've been washing my hands a lot these couple of days. And that's not helping my dry hands at all. I'm getting a lot of stress-related skin problems as it is. Incidentally, so's the cat.

Now, go eat your dinner.