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I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH.

Posted 11-23-2007 at 11:35 PM by Marvak

Okay, where do I start?

Don't leave me alone, guys. Even when I say 'go away', don't. I'm fucking lonely.
I'm fucking sick and tired of being left out of conversations.
I'm sick of being part of a gang that doesn't even acknowledge my existence.
I'm sick of being looked down upon like I'm some hideous animal when I finally do pluck up the courage to speak.
I'm sick of being ignored when I make an accomplishment. I'm sick of being afraid of my own anger.
I'm sick of being 'over-sensitive' like so many fucking people tell me I am.
I'm sick of being weak, on the inside and outside.
I'm sick of having to deal with all these assholes who seem to be
the only ones who even know I exist.
I'm sick of being the last one to be chosen for sports teams.
I'm sick and tired of having empty and brief conversations with those on MSN.
I'm sick of having so-called 'friends' who are never there when you need them.
I'm sick of being in unrequited love.
I'm sick of being humilliated in front of those whom I have unrequited love for.
I'm sick of my flabby things and pot belly.
I'm sick of my masculine face.
I'm sick of my mind not matching my body.
I'm sick of my low stamina.
I'm sick of having to look at myself every day knowing that I look like a boy.
I'm sick of being too weird for my 'friends' to want to look at me.

I'm sick of being lonely.

Posted in Rants, Life

Comments 21

Total Comments 21

Comments

ey up, duck. dont be so hard on yourself. i get ignored all the fuckin' time on these forums, and have now worn thin my nice phase and have moved onto confronting anyone who makes a snide comment towards me or tries to take the piss. i also cannot STAND bullying, and quickly intervene when i see such a case. i read your story and thought you put a lot of effort into it, with the audio file an' all. hopefully your blog entry was genuine and i havent just made a twat of myself.

Posted 11-24-2007 at 04:23 AM by MA

	It'll only change when you make it. Trust me.
	Posted 11-24-2007 at 09:59 AM by Hobo

	been their done that. i just pass in and out of stages of depression which will not go away until i talk to someone i fancy
	Posted 11-24-2007 at 11:14 AM by Laser

	smiles i'm half invisible too. Especially after that...er... incedent. Any friends I do make always have a mental disorder of some sort. At least you still have some sembalance of social skills. Wanna ponder the meaning of life and the stupidity of the human race with me?
	Posted 11-24-2007 at 05:43 PM by scrab queen

	I know things don't seem to be going very well at the moment, but trust me, it will get better. We're all going to have shit in our lives at some point, might as well just accept it and not get upset over it, you know? I hate to repeat this age-old cliche, but really, no one's perfect. Just don't lose hope, don't lose sight of the good things in life, don't lose sight of yourself, OK? Now smile
	Posted 11-24-2007 at 11:40 PM by skillya_glowi

	My life has always been shit and always will be.
	Posted 11-24-2007 at 11:56 PM by moxco

	Now you know how I feel every couple of months or so. Clinical depression sucks.
	Posted 11-25-2007 at 12:45 AM by Nemo

	basically find someone that will help you through the day and makes life worth living for just to see his/her (no one can call me a homophobe) face again
	Posted 11-25-2007 at 01:19 AM by Laser

	That's the problem. Finding someone like that. It's hard to do that. Really difficult.
	Posted 11-25-2007 at 02:22 AM by scrab queen

	Ah, depression. I slipped out of my worst stint of it earlier this week. After approaching two lustra of it, I feel like I’m used to it. It even offers a certain kind of comfort and familiarity. Still, I’d prefer not to end up there ever again. Just keep at life: it keeps on going, and there are always enjoyable bits along the way.
	Posted 11-25-2007 at 04:35 AM by Wil

	ITT: Misery
	Posted 11-25-2007 at 07:28 AM by Hobo

If people ignore you when you're in a large group than don't bitch and moan about it.
Don't stand there looking forlorn and lonely and expect people to start conversations.
You want to not have flab and not feel like a sentient emorphous blob? get some excersise for chrissakes, ride your bike, walk, take 20-40 minutes out of your day to go to the YMCA (or whatever the hell you have) and exercise there.
Don't expect people to treat you well when you can't even be assertive enough to get your friends attention.
MSN is fucking stupid, if you expect it to fill the void that unattentive friends leave then you've got to be goddamn kidding me.
Find something new and funny to show people, hell, I suggest you go buy the Curb Your Enthusiasm DVD's right now and make all your friends watch that.
Next time you're down and out, don't tell people to leave you alone and get mad when they do, I've done that plenty, it makes you look like you want conflict regardless of other people.

Posted 11-25-2007 at 04:45 PM by Mac Sirloin

	At least you're not my sister, Marvak. She has manic depression.
	Posted 11-26-2007 at 07:53 AM by OddjobAbe

I won't ever leave you.
I always want to talk to you.
I always acknowledge your existence.
I never look down on you.
I love everything you accomplish.
I only stop talking to you on MSN if I HAVE to go, my family dragging me off the computer, or I've stayed up so late talking to you my body literally shuts down and I fall asleep on my computer chair.
I try to be there for you whenever I can be, but sadly school and work take up much of my time. I still do my best to talk to you none the less not caring if I get no sleep.
I love you for who you are.
Do you think of me as nothing?

Posted 11-26-2007 at 08:02 AM by Venks

	Dont worry Kastere, i think you are really funny, and a lot of others blaitantly do. Everybody on this forum hates me - all of my 'friends' are not really friends at all - they bitch and backstab and try to get me beaten up sometimes. Fuck them, fuck them all. I just try and live with them. Don't worry, you'll pull through!
	Posted 11-26-2007 at 10:51 AM by alf's brother's mate

	What Venks says (Though my mummy tells me to get off the PC and such). I hope you get better and such, I commented on DA also....Though I see how the identity crisis thing can be hard .__. .
	Posted 11-26-2007 at 11:38 AM by Zozo the Zrilufet

	ITT: Teen Angst
	Posted 11-26-2007 at 12:56 PM by Hobo

	I fear for the children. Truly, I do. Also, Kastere is correct.
	Posted 11-28-2007 at 04:21 PM by Disgruntled Intern

	I agree with the above statement.
	Posted 11-28-2007 at 05:29 PM by metroixer

	Kastere, that was a very Donnie Darko speech. Feel glad about yourself, you'd have a big emo fanbase if you rant like this in real life. ps. you're cool lollage. let's go fishing? As for Marvak, really Hobo's first comment is the best one for you.
	Posted 11-29-2007 at 10:00 PM by Leto

	I try, though the level of giant invisible rabbits in my life is simply limited to this one.
	Posted 11-30-2007 at 06:40 PM by Mac Sirloin

Recent Blog Entries by Marvak

I fucking hate my dad. (02-26-2008)
Comics? Cartoons? Buh? (02-13-2008)
Bruises on my legs, pounding headache, sunburn and the extreme need to poo. (12-12-2007)
I'VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. (11-23-2007)
Pineapple. (11-21-2007)


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