I Have All the Luck

I'd like to share with you all my harrowing adventure of pain and torture, that took place last week.

I'd noticed over the past fortnight or so that the right side of my nutsack had been slightly larger than normal, but didn't particularly think anything of it until late Tuesday evening when what I thought was my testicle started to really hurt - like a dull stabbing pain. I thought it might be random blue balls so I had a wank. Only to find that my normally creamy white jizz was an inviting dark yellow. It still hurt and I stupidly decided to sleep it off.

The next morning (Wednesday) I wake up in AGONY. PURE UNADULTERATED AGONY. The right side of my nutsack had BALLOONED up to about 2.5 times its normal size (you could actually compare the difference between the left side). Thus I rush over to the Hospital quick-smart. Cue eleven hours of torture, where about five different people decided to poke and prod my man-bits (paying very little attention to my muffled screams), and had to go in for a scrotum ultra-sound (that part was rather interesting though, as I got to see my nuts and everything on TV).

In the end, I was sent home still in agony, but high on four different types of anti-biotics and lots of pain-killers (which did NOTHING). I had yesterday off to relax and rest, and I had this morning off. Alls well, the swelling has gone down a bit and it doesn't hurt anymore. But upon having a wank this morning I shot BLOOD RED JIZZ. All I need is orange, green, blue and violet and I've done the fucking rainbow! Anyhoo, the red jizz is normal, it's just getting rid of all the bad stuff that my liver isn't doing fast enough.

I'll let y'all know when it's nice and creamy white again

Anyhoo, the diagnosis was a bacterial infection which caused Epididymitis. So it wasn't my testicle, it was my right Epididymis which ballooned to about 10 times its normal size.

Alcar...