Bastard Cats

—P. J. O'Rourke

That in particular tickled me.

That should stop it now. My grandad fed a cat an aspirin once, and he never saw it again.

I bloody hope so. With some luck, somebody'll run it over when it's away outside.

You poured boiling water over a cat? That’s so horribly cruel. When did everyone here start turning into genuinely nasty people?

I'm not so bad, really. That fucking cat has shit in my garden for the last time. I used to just scare it off with cold water, but I've had my fill of this.

Wait, you boiled water in a kettle specifically to fuck this cat up, or you put hot water from a tap into a jug of water and dumped it?

The water was meant for my tea. I would never contemplate boiling water just to scare a cat off.

Vengence is yours.

That's kind of fucked up, actually :/

That thing's been shitting in my garden and screwing it all up since 2005. I've tried all kinds of little things, and it didn't get the message. I believe it is time to bring on the big guns. I wouldn't go as far as to kill it, or to put it in absolutely excrutiating pain, but the thing's alive, it'll be better now, and I have a feeling that my garden can now be kept clean. That bloody cat knew perfectly well what it was doing. Next door's garden is always fine, but my garden, and the garden on the other side of next door's always has this grassy mound where the cat's hidden the excrement.

You're a horrible bastard.

Thank you very much.

Tu eres un dickwado.

I love cats, except when they're in heat. Then they're annoying as hell.

Dude, you throw BOILING water of a fucking cat?! Are you mentally unstable?

Throw boiling water over yourself and see how you like it! If you can laugh directly afterwards then so can I.

What worries me even more than him throwing boiling water over a cat is that he so proudly announced it here. That's sick.

Wow, OddjobAbe. You sure pushed the wrong fucking button.

I wonder though. Wouldn't the water cool down quite a bit before it hit the cat depending how far away it was?

Not really.

Are we talking huge pot of water boiling or small-one teacup water?

In my experience the average Englishman is very uneconomic about how much water he puts in the kettle for a cuppa.

It was a fairly small amount, about the amount you'd fit in half the size of an average glass. It wasn't as much I would have used if it was cold. However, I do not regret what I did, as the cat has not returned since. It works well fro the both of us - I keep a tidy garden, that cretin doesn't get scolded again.

its been shitting in his garden for 4 years. he has tried a lot of things to get rid of it, and the cat must have felt uncomfortable going into Oddjob's garden for a kack with all the deterrents, but continued anyway.

you can say 'awww poor kitty cat why did you throw boiling water over it it was only have a shit in your garden for THE MILLIONTH TIME.' also, in my own experience with people and deterring cats i have seen vastly crueler methods, up to the point where people have tried to shoot the animal with air rifles.

he saw it once again, lost his rag, threw a kettle of hot water out the window in a rage, and the cat scarpered. simple as. i'd have done the same bloody thing, and i wouldn't care what people thought. people do snap, i mean he could have caved its head in with a brick, but he didn't. christ.

Thank you for being understanding, MA. It appears that others fail to sympathise with anything that isn't furry.

Probably because you killed it, you cantankerous wretch.

ITB we learn things.

1. Animal cruelty is fun for you and me.

2. Oddjob's real name is Kenny Glen.

Why does everyone have cool names except me.

I have a horrible name

My name ain't anything special either.