Humor

Just warning people in advance, my sense of 'funneh' may not be up to OWF standards. I come from a family that takes a joke and rips it apart to the point where you can shuck it, toss it in a blender, put it in a can, and forget about it until the local canned food drive for the homeless.

Although my Dad's nitpicking kind of humor is very entertaining (sometimes traumatizing) while playing videogames.



EXTREMELY LONG WINDED STORY TIME! (press the 'skip' button now)

I just recently finished Blood Omen 2 (which may be considered a crappy game if you're not a Legacy of Kain fan), and my dad was baisically watching and making commentary the whole time. In the game, you're a vampire, and rather that actually biting people (you never know where they've been), you telekinetically draw the blood into your mouth. Now here's the fucked up part: He just had to point out that when feeding from females, the blood flow starts from the crotch momentarilly, before drawing from the heart. I know that they really character raped in this game (compared to the others that is), but... GAWD DAYUM! AGH! Kain is forever ruined in my head. I mean, I'd expect that sort of thing from the vampire with nearly a hundred wives (or at least he used to. I don't know what happened to them after Kain stormed the mansion) but...SERIOUSLY! It's stuck in my head now. Like the idea of two metriods attempting to have sex! (i'll have to 'thank' Kraid for that one...) And He nitpicked even further. When he started having to feed off of the demon spiders, he pointed out that it was coming from thier behinds, and sugested that perhaps that was why Anit-Kain fans believe he 'sucks ass'. In Kain's defence, anatomically, that is where a spider's heart is, and a logical place for the blood to be drawn. Then it just started to get ridiculous. If an enemy dies on it's stomach, it looked like Kain was feeding from 'ass blood'. DAMMIT!

Although, I apparently got a glitched copy, so that when I played through it in cheat mode, everyone started randomly spinning around during cutscenes. Hylden who pointed at me to raise the alarm looked like they were doing that 'sock skating and air-guitaring in yer undies and pointing at the imaginary crowd' sort of thing, and the boss who was trying to drag himself away looked like he was breakdancing. A crawling peasant ended up looking like he was chasing his own tail.

Now that was funny!