Thanks Snuzi and anyone else who expresses condolences while I type this. Anyway, I'm throwing in a bunch of new people this time, and actually adding a plot.
Here we go!
***
CHAPTER 4: INACTION-DISTRACTION
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mitsur heard the scream from the other end of the Infinite Corridor. It seemed that abe16 had found what was ever at the end, and hadn't liked it.
Mitsur felt a pang of pity for Abe. He must have gone mad. Then Mitsur spotted a quarter on the hall floor. He leaned over, all thoughts of Abe's insanity forgotten.
"So...shiny..." He mumbled. He grabbed it, and put the quarter in his pocket. He kept walking down the hall, and reached the door. He went through, right back into the entrance hall.
As he began his way to the cafeteria, he saw Splat step from the shadows on the other side, wearing a trench coat and fedora hat, along with a pair of dark sunglasses. He looked pointedly at Mitsur and the pay phone nearby him, and turned casually away.
Sighing, Mitsur dug the quarter out of his pocket, looked at it one last time, and put it in. He dialed a few numbers, and Splat's cell phone rang. Mitsur put the phone to his ear. He tossed Al's towel onto the floor with some revolution.
"Hello?" Mitsur heard Splat's voice twice, once from the splat down the hall, again from the voice in the phone.
"Splat, you can stop being stupid."
"Were you followed?"
"Um, I don't think so. Unless Max has Sam Fisher-like stealth."
"Fine. Did you sweep the room for bugs?"
"You mean, like cockroaches?"
"Never mind. I'm in-bound."
Splat hung up, and sauntered down the hall, and made a huge show of bumping into Mitsur.
"Oh, hey Mitsur! How's it goin?!"
"Splat, you have to stop watching Casino Royale! It wasn't that good!"
"I loved that movie!" Splat said in an elaborately casual voice. Then it lowered. "I've got the package. We should stay here; it's not safe. Let's go find a better place. Meet me in the cafeteria, stat."
With that, Splat melted back into the shadows. Mitsur rolled his eyes, pretending not to hear the clunking noises coming from the vent above him.
When he got to the door, a laser punched through the metal until it cut off a circle-like hole. Splat fell through and hit the ground with a crash, then jumped to his feet.
"Let's move."
Mitsur stood to one side and Splat gave the door a flying jump-kick and knocked it off its hinges. He landed neatly, and motioned Mitsur in.
A deafening amount of conversation hit Mitsur in the ears as he walked in. The cafeteria was packed; all the tables were full of people chatting. At the end, the serving line was like a snake. The second's line was miniscule. (Mitsur noticed that the main dish was REXY'S OATMEAL FLAKES)
At the left end, there was an impromptu bar. Seated at it was the once-angry mob.
SeaRex was tossing ingredients willy-nilly into a blender; Havoc and Jordan_Boi were having a drinking contest with what appeared to be Listerine; Snuzi and Mutual Friend were playing Slapjack; Nemo and Skillya_glowi were passed out together in puddles of Sprite; and Patrick Vykkers was polishing a glass in a bartender outfit.
Mitsur and Splat took two empty stools in the middle, and sat down. Splat took off the trench coat, hat, and glasses, revealing a tuxedo beneath.
Splat cleared his throat, and leaned toward SeaRex.
"Ahem...the rooster is in the hayloft. I repeat, the rooster is in the hayloft." he whispered. SeaRex groaned.
"You just had to get him started, huh Mitsur? Now he'll never stop."
"Hey Splat." Mitsur said. "Why are you wearing a tuxedo?"
Splat pretended not to hear. "Excuse me, bartender? I'd like a martini-"
"-shaken, not stirred." Mitsur finished for him. He rolled his eyes. Patrick nodded to Splat's order, and started getting ingredient together.
Snuzi pushed the cards away from him in disgust. "I can't believe I lost again. I should've played against someone I know I can beat." Snuzi suddenly brightened. "Oy, Bullet Magnet! Get over here; I wanna show you something! Mutual, I'll see you later." Mutual nodded, and ambled over to a table with Ghost, Sapphire Diamond, Wired, and Spirrow sitting at it, deep in conversation.
Bullet Magnet came up. "Tea please, in a green teacup." Patrick, apparently a man of few words, nodded.
"Hey, Bullet. What's with the turban on Abe16 thing?' Mitsur asked.
Bullet colored. "What turban?"
"The one that made Abe think he was Oz."
"Oh, that turban! I just got this crazy idea, see, that if I spray painted the hope diamond and-" Snuzi cut Bullet off in mid-sentence.
"Will you deal already? I need to get my booze-money back!"
Grateful for the interruption, Bullet turned toward Snuzi and started to deal.
"Check please." Havoc mumbled as he took another sip of Listerine, and tipped backwards off the stool, a fake tiger tail sewn to the seat of his jeans. Jordan gave a victory cry, then toppled off the stool also, a bottle of mouthwash still clutched in his hands.
Dripik immediately came up and took the stools.
"Hey, have you guys seen Al or Rexy?" he asked.
Mitsur decided now would not be the time to tell him about the towel-pulling incident. Or his suspision that Al and Rexy's abscene was not a coincidence.
"Um, no." he said.
"Oh well. Well, I need to go make sure Rupture Farms is ok without me. I'm gonna go. Thanks, guys." he walked off. Mitsur shrugged, and turned toward Patrick.
"Hey, Pat. Can you make me a Bloody Mary? With just a slice of lemon." Mitsur asked. Patrick nodded again, and grabbed a glass. He tossed it into the air, and Mitsur almost felt the bullet time come on as time slowed down.
Patrick grabbed down, pulled up two drink hoses, and fired at the glass. The liquids hit the glass, filling it up and spinning it, the centrifugal force keeping the drink in. It kept moving up.
Pat grabbed a lemon, tossed it up, turned, and grabbed a knife. He lunged upwards, and, like an old samurai film, fell on the other side of it on one knee. The glass fell bottom down onto the table, not one drop spilled. The lemon divided into ten pieces, and a wedge landed directly on the edge of the glass and stuck there. Almost as an afterthought, Patrick put an umbrella in it and handed it to an awestruck Mitsur.
The whole cafeteria was silent for a moment, and then it broke out into thunderous applause.
"How the hell did you learn that, Patrick!?" SeaRex asked, as he methodically checked Havoc's pockets for a wallet.
"You wouldn't believe how many times I’ve seen The Matrix and old samurai films. It seemed infinite." He said. Snuzi grabbed the lemon slices out of the air and popped them into his mouth. His face immediately scrunched into a fish face. SeaRex turned on the blender, and then poured the resulting glop into a cup. He tossed it to Snuzi.
"Here, this'll take that sour-ness out of your mouth in a hurry." he said. Snuzi nodded thankfully, and drank it in one go. His eyes rolled back and he passed out again.
Bullet leaned over, slapped Snuzi to make sure he was out, and checked his back pocket and pulled out a wallet. He pulled out two 100 bills, and was about to give a yell of triumph when he realized it was Monopoly money. He sighed, and put it back.
"HIDEY-HO, EVERYBODY!!!!" A voice screamed from other side of the cafeteria.
"Speaking of infinite..." Mitsur sighed. "Abe16 somehow got to the end of the Infinite Hall. I think it drove him crazy..."
"How do you figure that, Mitsur? It is, after all, the Infinite Hall. Not the Slightly-long wide Hall." A voice behind everyone said. They all looked back, and then had to look away. An intense white light was shining. Somewhere, a duet of Angels started to sing.
"Je-bus Alcar! Take off all that gold! And make Sapphire and Rexy stop singing!" Havoc yelled, who was now awake. He checked Jordan's wallet while shielding his eyes, then kicked him awake.
"Wha..?" Jordan said, and then caught Alcar's bling full-force. "ARGHHH! MY EYES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
"Sorry." Alcar said, and stowed it away in his jacket pocket. "You can stop now, ladies!" Sapphire nodded, and went back to her lunch as though nothing had happened. Rexy, however, took off in a direction that was suspiciously toward Al's room.
Jordan continued to flail around for a few seconds, and then collapsed to the floor.
"I'll have a grape soda." Alcar said, and Patrick nodded. "And none of the cool flipping stuff. I'm thirsty"
Just then, Max ran in, and spotted Abe. Swearing, he went up to the bar.
"Geez, Abe's gone nuts...I found him stumbling away from some kinda black orb at the end of the hall. Now he won't stop quoting South Park." he said.
"Here," SeaRex said, "Give him this." he tossed Max what was left of Snuzi knockout punch. Max grabbed it, and took off for Abe.
"Well," Mitsur said, standing up and stretching, "Thanks for not beating me to a pul-"
"You guys gave up, too?" Arxryl said, as he walked up. He was holding a little red button, which he handed to Havoc.
"What's that?" Bullet asked curiously.
"Um, nothing." Havoc said. He stowed it in his back pocket and idly started attaching straws to his face like whiskers.
"Yeah, I’m too hungry to open up a can of whoop-ass on Mitsur right now." SeaRex said, tossing an M&M that had spontaneously appeared in his hands into his mouth.
"Me, too." Jordan said. "I'm starting to feel all that old fondness for him I had before he Chuck-Norris'd me into the ceiling."
"Hey, thanks guys. Well, I'm gonna go take a sh-" Mitsur began, but alarms cut him off.
AWOOGA. AWOOGA. AWOOGA. AWOOGA.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Havoc yelled over the alarm.
Alcar had paled. "IT'S THE n00b ALARM! EVERYONE, GET TO YOUR STATIONS!!!!"
The cafeteria exploded into movement. Sapphire jumped from her table and her back exploded into wings, and she flew off. Mutual, seemingly unconcerned about this defiance of rational thought, dashed toward the urinal that was for some reason on the nearby wall. He jammed his foot in, grasped the flusher, and pushed. He whirled around multiple times, and disappeared down the drain.
Ghost slowly faded away, until he was invisible. The door opened, and then closed apparently by itself. Wired spontaneously combusted, but when the smoke cleared, he was gone. Spirrow hurdled a table and turned into a Sparrow in mid-air, and flew off.
Bullet Magnet and SeaRex vaulted over the bar counter, and disappeared a trap door that was hidden beneath a rug behind it. Patrick doused Snuzi's face in cold water to wake him up, and they went to the drink rack. Patrick grasped a vodka bottle, Snuzi grabbed a Coor's, and they both pulled their drink like a lever. The wall spun around blindingly fast, and they were gone when it stopped.
Nemo and skillya finally woke up and dashed at the wall. They went through it without leaving a mark. Havoc and Jordan snapped their fingers. They turned into a tiger and scrab, respectively. They roared and ran off. Arxryl grabbed the potted plant on the counter, spoke something to it, and touched the leaf. They both melted into the floor and disappeared.
Splat, who had dove behind an over-turned table when the alarms went off, was holding a pistol with a long-shafted silencer on it. He looked around, and dashed out the door, pistol raised.
Mitsur sat dumbstruck. In two minutes, the whole cafeteria had emptied, the people going to their stations in either strange or hilarious ways.
Then he snapped out of it. He leaped onto the over-turned table, grasped the lamp above it, and pulled once. The chain lowered, and Mitsur put his foot on the glass. He tugged thrice, and he was pulled into the darkness above.
***
Ah man, I hate having to write stuff twice. I kept getting things mixed up. Still, this is my favorite chapter to write, yet! If any of you have read the Dark Tower series, you might notice that the black orb Abe ran away in the Infinite Hall was in fact Black 13.
Thanks for reading.
Not chapter tommorow unless I'm really eager to do it. Snowboarding all day.
Let the comments commence!
Last edited by mitsur; 12-16-2006 at 08:45 PM..
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Real good chapter there Mitsur, keep'em coming.
