The False Idol Thread

[Goresplatter]

Something in another thread, a religion one, game me an idea for this thread.
Well, it goes against the bible directly, but who cares (honestly, I don't :P).

If you could start a religion to worship something / someone, what would it be? Make a short profile on what the religion would be / the rules of the religion / possibly a short extract from what might be the religion's holy book? Maybe if you could change your current religion in a way that suits you?

Remember, if you object to anyone's religion in this thread, you're a dirty racist and will be burned! :P Example (and mine):

The Three Prime Evils (Diablo, Mephisto & Baal)
Key points:
- Genetic engineering is holy, especially if performed for war purposes.
- War > Peace
- Diseases should be contained and used, not destroyed.
- Criminals are ritually sacrificed instead of imprisoned.
- Holy building equivalent is an unholy temple with a blood fountain.
- Life is for entertainment purposes only. :P
- Everyone strives to go to hell, not heaven.

Sounds awesome to me, kind of like Satanism, but it has cooler unholy gods! :P
Anyone else got any?

[:Idol:]

Name: i'm still thinking.....
Person to be worshiped: idol (aka me)
Rules:
- Feed me
- work instead me
- work for me
- entertain me
-..... me
- kill the guy who made this shity thread

[used:)]

Go away, Dusan. You're not fooling anybody .

[mitsur]

Jesus Christ, you gave me an excellent excuse to say something bizarre.

Name: Llamanism
Key points:
- Llamas are gods
- Treat llamas as if they are the most sacred thing. Even Jesus is less sacred than the lowliest llama.
- Grow alfalfa on your land, nothing else
- If you kill a llama, you will be sacrificed. Slowly.
- Llama spit is the nectar of life
- Every day, at five am and pm you must bow to the south (or north, if you are south of the equator), and recite 'May you live in happines and peace, great llamas', because everyone knows llamas live closest to the equator
- When you die, you must use your remains to feed the alfalfa fields
- Our religious leaders are people who were llamas breeders BEFORE this religion was widespread. And you know it will be.
- We will worship a giant gold llama in Puerto Rico. (Accepting donations now! Anything less than 100 dollars will make us kill you and your family!)


This religion was inspired by a video I had to watch during Spanish class on South America. EVERY shot had at least one llama in it, i'm not kidding.

[Leto]

I think we should worship people who can do Chewbacca impressions with their throats, it's just too hilarious. :D

[Facsimile]

If I had the chance to worship someone else, I'd probably still worship Jesus:

[Nate]

Is that Lorne Lanning going all metal on us?

Either him or Aragorn.

[Statikk HDM]

Mike Modano
He does a good job with his charity
He holds like every friggin North Star/Star record, and is second in points and goals for an American born player
Modano as God means he can get back to his prime and at least 15 more years of asskicking
Maybe the Stars would be moved back to Minnesota if we all pray hard enough?

[Hobo]

Is that Lorne Lanning going all metal on us?

Either him or Aragorn.

Quoted for the truely manly thoughts it creates.

[Facsimile]

Is that Lorne Lanning going all metal on us?

Wow, this picture is kind of similar:

[Strike Witch]

How about:

Gedanku. Holy three-eyed frog.

all you have to do is throw glowsticks and firecrackers on bonfires.

Yay.

[Bullet Magnet]

The Discworld gods are the best, but it's hard to come up with an original one now...

Redundism.

A multitheistic religion.

Opthalmauditus: The all-seeing god. Sees everything, and hears all prayers, but can't be arsed to do anything about it. Generally iritable due to lack of sleep. They just won't stop praying!.

Cerebrallus: The all-knowing god. Knows all, but has no power to communicate or to manifest in the world. He just is, and can't do anything about it. Of course, he knows how to do something about his predicament, he just can't.

Archaeape: God of evolution. A real lazy bugger, in charge of evolution, but of course doesn't need to do anything, because it takes care of itself. Was aware of this when he took the job, and was probably the reason for his choice.

Pilcrepap: God of Stuff. Has a power in the world: to bring paperclips and rubber bands into existence, usually inside bags and vases, or behind wardrobes. Can transmute biros into teaspoons, and vice versa, so that when you want to find one, you can only find the other. Also in charge of spam.

Temporus: Goddess of Time Travel. Her job is to make sure that time travellers don't screw up the space time continuum by straightening out the chains of causality. Allows for someone to become their own parent (parents, if you're cunning enough). Unfortunately no one has yet discovered time travel, so she has little to do. Ironically, she is not even certain if time travel is possible.

Finally: Dene, the Creator. Hired to create the universe, which he did, with a snap of his fingers, 13.6 billion years ago. However, this made him superfluous, and now spends his days at home watching reruns of Sanford & Son. The other gods have suggested that he should have been more imaginative with the Act of Creation, doing something that could inspire the inhabitants to make cool legends about it, and something that would have taken up more of his time. Dene suggested that they go jump off a bridge.

Redundists forbid bungie-jumping using cords made from sweet wrappers, knitting is prohibited on the 29th of February if it is also a full moon and a wednesday. "I hate Mondays" T-shirts must also be worn occasionally, prefferably on Mondays.

Their view on death goes something like this: "if there is an afterlife, then that is all fine and dandy, and cool for us. But if there isn't, then we won't be around to complain. So what's the problem?"

Standing around while wondering what the hell to do next is considered a form of worship.

[used:)]

So they're virtually agnostics?

[Bullet Magnet]

The only Redundist agnostics are the gods themselves.

[mitsur]

Dude, that is even cooler than my llamanism. I salute you for the time that could've been used better, but you decided to use it making an awsome religion.

*salutes, then gives Bullet a llama*

[Patrick Vykkers]

Name: Trekarianism
Deities: Almighty Q, Mother Q, q son of Q, Sha Ka Ree, Quinn, V'Ger
Essential Beliefs: In the beginning, Q and Mother Q procreated to make q and the universe. But Q had a brother, and his name was Quinn. Quinn, with the help of his dark followers, made Sha Ka Ree. Sha Ka Ree then acted as Quinns lieutenant, and had many minions of his own, including the Salt Vampires, Borg, and Species 8472. Then, Quinn made a second lieutenant, V'ger, who created his army of robotic slaves. These robotic slaves often played pinball matches with the Borg drones, and the Borg Queen even fell in love with V'ger, who was too cold and logical even for her. Then, Q adopted a second son, a Human named Captain Jean Luc Picard. In return for the favour of participating in a one on one fight with another Human, Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Q would provide assistance to Picard. To this day, Picard and q serve as the prophets of Q.

[Bullet Magnet]

Wait a minute... That religion already exists!


The sun god Raulio, who trails the suns across the sky in a golden (fireproof) chariot, pulled by two giant dung beetles.