Phylum, prepare to be frustrated.
Overwatch convinced me it wasn't worth my time before the beta was even done downloading lol.
I don't like Blizzard. I think they make half-baked crap. I am perpetually outraged at the stupid effort they put into their dumb little CGI tech demos when the vast majority of their games are slow, irritating slogs. Also, none of their over-the-top CGI crap ever actually tells you anything about their games. I mean, this is a complaint people threw at WoW that is still completely relevant: Blizzard shits out some CGI, nerds go bananas and no one stops to question what the game is actually about.
I know that nothing I say will stop the millions of dollars they make every second, but I find Blizzard's 'creative model' incredibly irritating. It's homogeneous, uninspired drek.
Overwatch looked cool, and exciting. I'm not going to say new, because like all Blizzard products Overwatch's characters are all obnoxious, derivative shit. I watched a couple of trailers and could NOT figure out what the game was about. When it got to the point that I would have to interrupt the download of the 17GB Beta in order to download an 'exclusive' trailer I said 'yeah nah, fuck this noise'.
That's not true. Actually, I said that after the 9GB download of the beta only meant I had half of the application downloaded, and served no other purpose than taking me to a menu to say 'You cannot access overwatch beta yet!' at THAT point I said 'fuck this'.
So I bought BattleBorn instead, and maybe even a little bit out of spite for Blizzard's shitty talking gorilla that is a direct ripoff of Beast from X Men.
What really clinched it for me was the 'Dragons' trailer. The one with the inexplicable homosexual imagery. Sorry, but it's true. Two healthy dudes alone on a classy roof rubbing their snakes together, one's face is covered by a mask while the other contorts his features in ancient eastern ecstasy. It's gay as fuck. Blizzard is gay and also stupid as fuck.
Here's the Blizzard business model, broken down:
-Spend 2 1/2 years making an elaborate, toneless and pointless CGI cutscene of a piece of poop exiting a butt and hitting the toilet water. The second the poop splashes, smash cut to "POOPO 2020"
-Spend 5 years drumming POOPO 2020 to be the next great thing. Release more CGI of Poopo sliding down a wall, hitting a window, and being stepped on while in a paper bag and on fire. Announce a beta.
-Release the beta. All the game consists of is manipulating a hand in first person view but with turn-based mechanics. Everything is grossly lower poly count than the trailer. Gameplay consists of picking up Poopo and throwing him against a mirror, over and over again.
-The full version of the game is released for $89.99+39.99 DLC Season Pass 6 months after its intended release date. Millions of people buy it. An asian country makes it their national past time.
-10 years of milking Poopo with expansions, more cutscenes and possibly teasing a sequel. Movie plans in the works.
-Release trailer for Pee's quest, where the camera swoops in and out of a stream of urine to examine ammonia particles. The cycle begins anew.
Blizzard is fucking stupid simply based on the association they now have with this awful post.
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I see you jockin' me.
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